


A Stranger in the Night

by Weberina



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Ghost, Alternate Universe - Hospital, Alternate Universe - Medical, Doctor Katsuki Yuuri, Ghost Victor Nikiforov, Junior Doctor Katsuki Yuuri, London, M/M, bigbangonice2018, ghost au, medical AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-11
Updated: 2018-02-11
Packaged: 2019-03-15 05:52:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 33,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13606923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Weberina/pseuds/Weberina
Summary: Katsuki Yuuri is an overworked junior doctor who doesn’t shy away from the night shift in King’s College Hospital. But his mid-shift nap in the doctor’s office is constantly interrupted by an unexpected visitor, who doesn’t know who he is, what he is, or why he is here. How will Yuuri find out the identity of an unknown non-living person amidst the monstrous metropolis that is London? And more importantly, how can Yuuri help him to move on?Part of Big Bang!!! on Ice. Art by the amazing Nothingtea!





	1. What Are You?

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all! This is my first bang and it's been so much fun :D :D  
> Thank you wonderful mods for organizing this <3 <3  
> The story was inspired by my sister/beta reader (who's a junior doctor, so yeah...) 
> 
> The two beautiful art pieces were by the amazing [Nothingtea](http://nothingtea.tumblr.com/)! (I've been so blessed..... T_T)
> 
> Hope you enjoy the story <3

 

✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧

 

Three o’clock was always the coldest hour of the night.

There was a hushed silence that blanketed the ward, and those who were still awake moved about in subdued wariness, taking great care not the break surreal fragility of the witching hour, as they hunkered down to wait out the darkest stretch to dawn.

It is usually around this time, when the chilly stillness would weigh like a ton of rocks on his exhausted mind, that Katsuki Yuuri would seek out a corner somewhere in the hospital to take a nap during his night shift.

If he was lucky, there would be a break room with actual beds in the department he was posted at for his rotations. But in the pediatrics ward, there were only three couches in the doctor’s lounge, and Yuuri preferred not to get involved with the politics of staggered nap schedules and couch privileges.

Instead, he'd resigned himself to the doctor’s office next door, pushing his thick sleeping bag as close as he could to the radiator against the wall, which unfortunately also meant he had to crawl under one of the desks.

It gave him an odd feeling, stepping into the empty office in the dead of night. Overwhelmed by the unsettling sensation of seeing an eerie quiet in a space that was a bursting hive of activity during the day, with doctors running in and out, catching up on their paperwork on the desks that lined the room, or having impromptu meetings about complex cases on the round table in the middle of the office.

But in the deep darkness very much past midnight, the vague outlines of the serviceable furniture seemed strangely unfamiliar, lit only by the dim glow of streetlights through the windows, the vague debris of papers and files scattered in piles across the surfaces.

There was a silence that seemed to ring in his ears, making him feel like he was disturbing the rest of a liminal space that grudgingly accommodated his nightly intrusion.

He had just about managed to suppress his irrational fears, and the bizarre nightmares of meeting unnamed creatures that went bump in the night had finally begun to cease.

That was when the tapping began.

A light persistent tapping.

tap...

tap…

Barely audible, even in absolute silence.

tap…

tap…

It was so faint that he didn’t register it at first. But over the course of weeks, it gradually entered his consciousness, until it began waking him up from his fitful sleep.

tap…

tap…

He would barely get fifteen minutes before he was roused from the groggy mists, an awful dryness in his mouth, and forced himself to crawl reluctantly from his makeshift cocoon to investigate where the intrusion was coming from.

tap…

tap…

But despite his careful scrutiny around the frosty office, checking if the windows were letting in a draught, or a freely swinging thingamabob somewhere needed to be secured, or if there was a steady leak from the air-conditioning vents, his attempts to pinpoint the noise always proved fruitless.

He would never find anything, except to vaguely register that the tapping was coming from the large round table in the centre of the room.

tap…

tap…

Which was even more perplexing, because they always, almost religiously, left it empty. It was the only surface in the office with nothing on it, and could yield no possible explanation for the sound.

Yuuri decided to put it down as a sequela of overwork, exhaustion and sleep deprivation. An auditory hallucination that didn’t affect his daily functioning, as long as he kept it to himself, and so could still be swept under the carpet.

Tap…

Tap...

But the tapping became progressively louder with each time he returned, testing even his famed ability to sleep anywhere and anytime.

After a month or so, he swore he could hear the taps punctuated by unmistakable sighing. Long wistful, restless exhalations of air. The kind of sound a person makes when they were waiting for someone, or mulling over something.

And with the sighs came the prickling sensation that there was a growing, undeniable presence in the room, as if Yuuri was not altogether alone at some points during the night.

Tap…

Tap...

He couldn’t help casting watchful glances at the round table from the safety of his corner. Sometimes wondering if he should shout at whatever was making the noise to stop. But quickly realizing that if something _was_ deliberately making the noise, then provoking it wasn’t a good idea.

In the end, he caved and confided in Phichit about it, who promptly joined him on sleepovers, which led to an even more troubling discovery.

Tap…

Tap…

The sound only appeared when Yuuri was alone. Never when someone was with him. Which seriously questioned his sanity.

But rather than face the squabbles over space in the doctor’s lounge, Yuuri did his best to suppress his wild imaginings, convincing himself that whatever was making the sound didn't seem too interested in him, and he would march straight to his corner while trying to avoid looking at the round table.

Reluctantly, his fears would be trumped by the desperate need to sleep, as he huddled in his allotted space, dozing off gradually to the hypnotizing sound.

Tap…

Tap…

But even when he managed to dip beneath the level of consciousness, his dreams would be plagued by the tapping in its different shapes and guises.

As the patter of raindrops on the windowpane, or the dissatisfied tutting of a specialist reading his case reports, or an intruder rattling the handle of his front door, or a sinister figure calmly cracking its knuckles in the shadows.

His dreams were always vividly, disturbingly real, as he hovered close to the surface of wakefulness. So intrusive that he sometimes couldn't tell them apart from reality.

Tap…

Tap…

Like this recurring dream he kept having.

Where he would be in the doctor’s office, lying in the exact same spot, and everything would appear to be unchanged. Except when his eyes strayed towards the centre of the room, and there would be a figure, a shimmering silhouette, hunched over the round table, cutting a brooding outline in the darkness. Yuuri never could see its face, but the figure would be gently tapping something on the plastic surface of the table, churning out the same, persistent, unrelenting sound.

Tap…

Tap…

But instead of reacting in fear at the intruder, Yuuri would be hypnotized by the monotonous sound in his dream, feeling a curious urge to reach out to his strange companion in the night, before feeling a heaviness on his eyelids and drifting back to sleep.

When he finally jolted to wakefulness from the dream, the room would be deathly quiet without the constant tapping, and he would be left with an odd sense of loss. As if he'd just lost a friend.

  

 

✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧

 

Yuuri’s eyes jerked wide open, his heart thumping manically, and all the hairs on his neck were standing straight up.

He had been startled from sleep by a blood-curdling scream, but now couldn’t tell whether it had been real.

He remained deadly still, listening out for the sound again. It returned, a loud bone-chilling wail that was coming from the A&E bay nearby. This time he could vaguely make out a few incoherent words amidst the harrowing scream.

“Doctor, help! My daughter! Please help her! Someone please help her...”

Yuuri sat up in his corner, wide awake from the pure distress that was seeping through the windows, desperate for anyone to save the daughter of the unknown person.

This was the part of the job that he didn’t like. The emergency staff may not be able to help her, and there was a high chance the child wouldn’t make it.

In any case, he may find out about the outcome in a few hours, depending on whether he’ll hear the same voice again in the pediatric ward.

He picked up his phone to check the time, and gave a small sigh. It was only three thirty. He’d only been asleep for twenty minutes, but was now fully alert, and saw no point in trying to get to sleep again.

As his mind began to whirr back to life, slowly taking in bits of information from his surroundings, he suddenly realized that the tapping was much louder than usual, and the long wistful sighs were dreadfully clear.

Gradually, he became aware from the corner of his eye, that there seemed to someone or something nearby, sitting at the round table, precisely where the sound was coming from.

He groped for his glasses, and turned his head slowly. Not wanting to startle whoever, or whatever, was sitting there.

He slowly lifted his glasses to his face, and the blur of lines focused into a solid silhouette.

Before him was the unmistakable sight of a person-shaped entity sitting at the desk. Its legs were crossed at the ankles, and its head was bowed slightly, placing its face beyond Yuuri’s line of sight. Yuuri couldn't quite see what its hands were doing, but there was little doubt that the figure was the source of the gentle, rhythmic tapping.

Once again, Yuuri felt the hairs on his neck and arms standing erect from fear, and his body was frozen rigid in sheer terror.  

The tapping continued like steady drops from a leaky faucet.

Yuuri watched the figure closely, trying hard not to breathe too loudly, in case his short gasps alerted the figure to his presence. He had been hoping against hope that it was just another doctor on the night shift, or a patient who had escaped the wards.

But there was a slight translucence that surrounded it, and Yuuri could vaguely see the outline of the chair behind the lanky legs.

Whatever it was, it was not human. And was either a figment of his frayed mind, or something not of this world.

Yuuri didn’t know which was worse.

After a long bout of terrified staring, it didn't seem like the figure had any intention of making any sudden movements. With a small whimper of fear, Yuuri carefully pushed back the sleeping bag, as he tried to stand up without making any noise. His eyes were fixed on the figure, his legs ready to bolt out of the room in case it attacked.

The figure was clutching a small black rectangular object in one hand, and tapping it repeatedly against the plastic surface of the desk.

It seemed as though all color had been drained from the figure, his presence outlined in a greyish-blue glow.

He was impeccably dressed, with strong shoulders that were slightly stooped, his elbows pressing into the table. A sheen of light hair fell across his face, partially hiding his eyes, but the look of troubled indecision was apparent in his fair features.

He didn’t seem to notice Yuuri’s presence, completely absorbed in his thoughts, and was mesmerising in his monotonous task.

If Yuuri had been closer to the exit, he may have tried to slip out and then checked himself into the psychiatric ward. But, as it was, his path to the door was barred by the luminous apparition, and he wasn’t sure what would happen if he tried to get past.

Deciding he’d rather deal with the consequences at a distance, with more space to manoeuvre in case the apparition pounced on him, Yuuri stayed where he was and called out in a timid whisper,

“Hello?”

The tapping stopped abruptly.

The deafening silence seemed to suck all the air from around them.

The figure lifted his head slowly and fixed two opalescent eyes on Yuuri, the electric blue a striking contrast to the monochrome of his face.

Yuuri returned the vacant stare with stupefied terror, his feet frozen to the ground.

The figure frowned and tilted his head slightly, giving Yuuri a questioning look, and asked in an echoing voice, “Who are you?”

Yuuri let out a fearful gasp and blurted without thinking, “I’m a junior doctor, Katsuki Yuuri.”

Then, he quickly snapped his mouth shut before he could reveal anymore, silently berating himself for revealing his name to a spectre with unknown powers and intentions.

The figure considered his words thoughtfully.

“Katsuki Yuuri…?” he repeated, as though he was slowly turning each syllable over in his mind.

“And you are…?” asked Yuuri in a careful voice, desperate to take the attention away from his name.

The figure flicked his gaze back to Yuuri, hypnotizing him with the full intensity of the blue eyes, and a troubled confusion emerged as he replied uncertainly,

“I’m not sure...who I am...”

But before Yuuri could put together a coherent response, the figure stood up suddenly and said in a distracted voice, “I’m sorry. There is- there is somewhere I need to be, I think...”

He took a few stumbling steps away from the table, slipping the phone-like object into his pocket, and then began to fade as he walked towards the door, before disappearing completely.

Yuuri stared at the empty space where the apparition had been. His mind still oddly calm from denial.

Exhaustion, he decided, exhaustion had finally driven him insane. Though if this was a hallucination, it was pretty convincing, his imagination really did a top-notch job with it, it was far more convincing than even his dreams.

Then, his subconscious slowly introduced the alternative explanation, that what he had seen was real, and if it was real then...

Without a second thought, he bolted out of the door as quickly as he could, frantic to reach other human beings in the vicinity, even if they were the two senior nurses that terrorized him.

His mind was at the point of meltdown over what he had just seen.

What in god’s name _had_ he just seen?

 

✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧

 

“PHICHIT! Thank god you're here!” exclaimed Yuuri, almost running when he saw Phichit signing in for his morning shift. After hours of wandering around the ward, trying not blurt out everything he saw to anyone who crossed his path, he was relieved to find the only person he could trust who would hear him out.

He dragged Phichit by the arm to one of the vending machines where they would be alone and Phichit could have his dose of caffeine.

Yuuri shook his head when Phichit offered to buy him one. His level of alertness was far beyond what caffeine could ever hope to achieve.

“Ok, Phichit,” muttered Yuuri urgently, casting furtive glances around them, “I have to tell you something. But I just need to let you know that to _me_ , this whole thing seems very real. But I may be hallucinating. And since _I’m_ the one hallucinating, I wouldn’t know it’s a hallucination. He seemed very real, and he talked to me, so I really think he’s real and-”

“Yuuri, stop,” interjected Phichit wearily, “I have _no idea_ what you’re talking about.”

“Ah, I see, ok,” said Yuuri, “So...you need to tell me if I’m going crazy.”

“Taking all those night shifts. I think we’re there already, Yuuri,” replied Phichit with a raised eyebrow.

“I may have to stop taking those,” conceded Yuuri, rubbing his eyes with a bleary look, his glasses hanging precariously on his nose.

“You know you don’t have to swap out your morning shifts just because someone asks you to,” Phichit chided.

Yuuri gave a small nod as he avoided the reproving look, not quite ready to admit to Phichit that he actually enjoyed the night shifts. That is, until yesterday.

“So, how else are you crazy?” asked Phichit, taking a sip from the cup of coffee and grimacing at the first mouthful.

“You know the tapping?” asked Yuuri slowly.

Phichit nodded, “The one only you can hear?”

“I found out what was making that sound,” said Yuuri with a manic smile, and Phichit’s eyes widened in curiosity. “I think it’s a ghost.”

The cup of coffee froze in mid-air, the dark liquid threatening to spill on Phichit’s white shirt, but his gaze was fixed wordlessly at Yuuri.

“A ghost?” he repeated flatly.

Yuuri nodded mutely.

“You… saw it?” he asked in a careful voice, as though he was humoring one of their pediatric patients.

“He was sitting in the middle of the room, and kept tapping this black thing on the table. I couldn’t really see what it was. But it looked like a phone.”

“And you...talked to him?” asked Phichit incredulously, his eyebrows raised in suspicion.

“Yes,” replied Yuuri in a voice on the verge of panic, “And he answered me.”

Then, Yuuri realized how insane his words sounded and his suspension of disbelief snapped.

“Oh my god, Phichit, I’m going crazy aren’t I?” he exclaimed, “You can’t tell the specialist! You can’t! She’ll make me take time off. I can’t afford to take any more time off!”

“Calm down Yuuri,” said Phichit loudly, cutting off his incoherent babble, “Don’t yell. And let me think.”

Phichit had a slight frown as he carefully scrutinised Yuuri’s face, possibly looking for signs of madness.

Then, he asked in a hesitant tone, “Is this the only crazy thing you’ve been seeing? No sinister voices, dancing lights and all that?”

“Yes,” answered Yuuri truthfully, but after a brief thought, he added, “Well, it may have progressed. It started only with the tapping remember? And now I'm seeing an entire person. So my condition may be getting worse.”

Phichit considered his answer carefully, then said with knowledgeable authority, “Not necessarily. If this is a ghost, then you may be seeing a newly dead spirit, and those usually take some time to become more corporeal in our world.”

Yuuri stared blankly at Phichit and suddenly realized where this fount of wisdom was coming from.

It was one of the few things they did not do together.

“Was that from one of those horror films you binge watch?” Yuuri asked skeptically with narrowed eyes.

“Not just one,” Phichit replied knowingly, “Several actually. Asian ones. So the good ones. And if it's a benign spirit, it should move on once it has finished its unfinished business.”

Yuuri pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers, and leaned heavily against the wall, as he sighed, “Phichit, you're not supposed to go mad _with_ me. You're supposed to fix me!”

Phichit placed his hand on hips and replied indignantly, “I didn't say you _weren't_ crazy. I'm just saying we should _also_ entertain the idea that it might be a ghost.”

“But it can't be both,” replied Yuuri with groan.

“And the only surefire way we can tell which it is, is for you to see this through,” replied Phichit firmly.

Yuuri looked quizzically at him, completely unconvinced.

“If this person actually exists and you manage to help him move on, then you're not hallucinating,” Phichit explained patiently, “Otherwise...yeah… we'll have to think of something else.”

Yuuri sank further back against the wall, and sighed again. If he was honest with himself,  he would much rather face a ghost than a hallucination. A ghost was much less hassle than getting more leave.

“Ok. Ok. So what do you suggest?”

“Here’s what we do,” said Phichit eagerly,”I will keep an eye on you. You,” he jabbed a finger at Yuuri, “Tell me everything. And if I think anything’s starting to put you at risk, I’ll put a stop to it.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Yuuri agreed reluctantly.

“Great! My first haunting,” replied Phichit gleefully, clapping his hands together, “Now, let’s think about how to deal with your ghost!”

 

✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧

 

Armed with all the necessary information supplied by Phichit, Yuuri returned to the doctor’s office a few days later on another night shift.

But instead of curling up to sleep, he waited patiently on one side of the room, directly facing the spot where the figure would appear. He stood clutching a cross in one hand and a shinto protection amulet in the other, just in case, and repeated Phichit’s helpful hints to himself.

Don’t startle them. Don’t push them too hard about traumatic memories. They’re always here for a reason, so find out what that reason is. Then find out what they need to do to move on. And they usually don’t know they’re dead, so the first task is to tell them they're dead.

All in all, it was quite similar to his work on the pediatric ward. Except, his patients were tiny excitable human beings, not possibly malicious spirits. And not dead.

Yuuri wasn't too sure about how he should deal with the last point. He’s never had to tell someone they were dying, much less tell someone that they were dead, and there didn’t seem to be any appropriate words for it.

At about three am, the same figure gradually materialised before him, accompanied by the familiar tapping sound.

“Hello?” Yuuri ventured carefully, holding out the cross and amulet before him.

The figure slowly looked up at him, and a hint of recognition appeared in his vacant eyes,

“Do I know you?” he asked in the same echoing voice.

“I was here a few days ago,” replied Yuuri tentatively, “Do you remember?”

The figure bowed his head slightly in confusion, then frowned as he stood up abruptly to leave again, “I’m sorry. There is somewhere I need to be.”

“Wait,” blurted Yuuri in a panic. The figure turned to cast him a look of frustration, and Yuuri took three steps back in fear.

His mind went blank, staring at the waiting translucent face, not sure why he had asked the figure to stop in the first place.

“Erm… where are you going?” he asked hastily.

The figure’s frown deepened, and he said in a faltering voice, “I’m going...I’m going to meet someone, I think… Just south of the river.”

In the most soothing tone he could muster, Yuuri replied carefully, “But we’re already south of the river, in Brixton.”

The figure gazed at him in surprise, a hint of fear emerging in his expression. “How did I get here?” he asked in growing bewilderment.

His eyes began darting quickly around him, like a frightened child lost in the crowds, clearly realizing that his surroundings were completely unknown to him.

“Where am I? What is this place?” he uttered with rising panic, eyeing Yuuri with increasing fear.

“It’s ok. You’re ok.” Yuuri said soothingly, his own fears now overtaken by his instinct to protect. He reached out his arm towards the figure and took two gradual steps forwards. “You’re in the pediatric ward of King’s College Hospital. And no one’s going to hurt you.”

The figure gave him a frightened look, paralyzed in his confusion, “But I don't remember...How did I…How am I...”

“Maybe if you try to remember the last thing you did?” Yuuri suggested cautiously, attempting to follow Phichit’s instructions of finding out why the spirit had come here.

The figure scrunched up his face in distress, struggling to recall his past,“I remember a bicycle… and a phone number…”

“This is good, very good,” Yuuri urged carefully, “Keep going.”

“I was supposed to meet someone, but… they didn’t know I was coming… and I...” his voice trailed off as he closed his eyes in confusion, “Why can’t I remember my name?”

“It’s alright, don’t worry about it,” Yuuri said reassuringly and took another two steps towards him.

The figure clasped his hands over his face, and began shaking his head in agitation.

“I can’t- I can’t-,” he gasped, “I can’t remember anything. I have to- I have to go-” After making a brief choking sound in his voice, he disappeared before Yuuri could say another word.

 

✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧

 

It was rare that they ventured beyond the hospital grounds for lunch, but there was nice gap between the end of Yuuri’s night shift and the start of Phichit’s evening shift. And they took the chance to escape.

Granted, it was only the pub around the corner, but it felt like they were leaping over the prison wall.

They scuttled past the row of wooden benches outside the pub, heads bowed against the strong wind and spitting rain, gratefully hurrying into the inviting warmth of the large brick building.

“Oh my god, it’s been raining all week!” exclaimed Yuuri when they reached shelter, and he began drying his rain-spattered glasses on his shirt.

“I know, it’s been miserable,” said Phichit, rolling his eyes as he shook out the water droplets on his coat, “It should clear up tomorrow though.”

When the worst of the weather had been shaken off, they stepped into the cosy fumes of strong ale and cooked food, the dark wooden floorboards creaking as they hunted for an empty table

The Phoenix was quite a nice pub to have as a local. It was a restored train station, which meant that it had nice dirty-yellow Victorian brickwork, and a giant station clock hanging from the tall ceiling, coupled with tasteful washes of navy blue around the modern counters and wooden panels.

They found a small round table tucked next to the disused fireplace, and took a precursory glance at the menu, even though they both knew what they were having.

“I’ll go order,” Phichit said, standing up again, “Scampi and chips?”

Yuuri nodded, “And half a Doom Bar.” He'd earned it after the night he’d had.

“Really, Yuuri? Ale at this hour?” Phichit admonished teasingly before heading towards the bar.

Yuuri covered his face with his hands, and breathed heavily, trying to sort through what had happened during the second encounter with the unknown spirit.

It was clear that the spirit didn’t know who he was, or what he was doing there, or that he was no longer alive.

Yuuri supposed it would be easier to figure out the first two questions if the spirit knew about his current condition. But it was such a bizarre thing to say, and the spirit already seemed to be in a very fragile state… Yuuri cast it aside for the moment and focused on the other problems.

It may be easier to figure out why the spirit was there at King’s if they kept trying to jolt his memory of what happened. But he seemed to have significant trouble with that, yielding only three clues with great reluctance: a bike, a phone number, and meeting someone south of the river, which was essentially half of London. Judging by what Yuuri had seen, the last few crucial moments of his life were probably too traumatic to dredge up at this point.

Which meant that Yuuri should probably focus on finding out who the spirit was, which may lead to more clues, and may also help to calm him down, since he seemed especially distressed at not knowing who he was.

Phichit soon returned from the bar with two drinks and a wooden sign for their food order.

“So,” he quipped as he sat down, “Phone, bike, unknown date. Anything else?”

Yuuri shook his head slightly, sipping the foamy amber liquid, and reveling in the hoppy aftertaste.

Phichit poured the bright orange liquid of his J20 into a glass of ice, and mulled over the limited information.

“Maybe he died in a bike accident?” Phichit suggested curiously, then quickly added, “Maybe he was cycling while on his phone on his way to this person he was meeting, and had an accident, and then was sent to King’s? That’s why you’re seeing him.”

“That would make sense…” Yuuri conceded with a nod, but then frowned, “But why would he come to me?”

Phichit shrugged, “Maybe he knows you?”

“I’ve never seen him in my life,” countered Yuuri.

“Actually,” said Phichit, as though he was struck by a sudden idea, and he continued hesitantly, “What does he look like?”

“Erm… Tall, light hair, blue eyes, firm jawline?” supplied Yuuri unhelpfully, and Phichit sighed in exasperation.

“That could be anyone!” he exclaimed, “Do you remember what he was wearing at least? Maybe that'll give us a hint.”

Yuuri thought back to his two encounters, scraping the bottom of the barrel for details, since his attention had been elsewhere at the time.

“Erm… I think he was wearing a suit?” he suggested.

“And…?” Phichit prompted impatiently.

“It looked expensive. And very nice… and greyish?” replied Yuuri hesitantly, scrabbling for details in his memory.

Phichit looked at him in dismay, “It's really too bad you can’t draw to save your life.”

“Any other ideas?” Yuuri asked sheepishly.

“We could ask someone posted at the A&E to the check if there’re any recent accidents involving a bike? Isn’t Leo there now?”

“We can’t ask him to do that, Phichit!” Yuuri blurted out loudly.

“Why not?” Phichit asked in annoyance.

“We’d have to tell him that I saw a-”  But he quickly closed his mouth when a waitress suddenly plonked a wooden caddy down on the table, the cutlery clinking against the bottles of sauces.

Yuuri glanced nervously at the waitress’ retreating back and whispered, “-that I saw a ghost. Or I’m hallucinating.”

“We won’t have to,” Phichit replied simply, “We’ll just say we need to do some detective work. Leo won’t mind. He’s super relaxed.”

But Yuuri frowned in reluctance, not sure whether he wanted to trouble Leo with something like this.

“I don’t think we should,” he said hesitantly, “Besides, we don’t even know his name. It’ll take forever to go through the files to find every bike accident. And we’ll definitely get caught using a random bunch of patient data for personal use…”

Yuuri sank into a pensive mood, it seems that this was going to take a lot more effort that he thought.

“Or you could just stop sleeping in the office, and the problem will go away,” Phichit suggested suddenly.

“I can’t do that!” exclaimed Yuuri in chagrin, but a little more quickly and loudly than he intended, and he caught Phichit’s knowing grin.

“A little _too_ emotionally involved, I see,” he said with a smirk, “Developing a little crush, are we?”

Yuuri blushed slightly, and stared intently at his scampi, chips and mushy peas.

He was spending more time than he should, thinking about how to help the spirit, who could still be a figment of Yuuri’s imagination.

But the lost and lonely expression had constantly been on Yuuri’s mind ever since his first appearance. It seemed too real to be false, and Yuuri couldn’t simply ignore someone who looked as fragile as that.

“Let me find out his name at least,” Yuuri said eventually, “That way we’ll have somewhere to start.”

 

✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧

 

Yuuri only managed to return a few nights later, and was still fully alert despite the late hour.

A few minutes past three, the apparition reappeared in the dark room, casting an eerie glow around him. He wasn’t sitting at the desk this time, but was standing beside it and peering out the window. The black phone he usually held was nowhere to be seen, and without it, the tapping noise failed to emerge.

Yuuri approached him cautiously, but more to avoid startling the figure, who might disappear suddenly again.

Yuuri took careful note of what he was wearing now that his mind wasn't clouded by fear. It seemed to be a grey wool suit that was carefully tailored to fit closely to the lines of his body, and the top button of the red shirt underneath was undone. His shoes and belt seemed to be high-quality leather that had aged remarkably well, another hint that he was probably fairly well-off.

But his clothes seemed too generic to yield any more hints, they were practically the uniform of young professionals. He could be anybody, from an investment banker, to a marketing executive, or even one of the specialists in the hospital.

The apparition seemed to be much more aware of his surroundings tonight, because he sensed Yuuri’s approach and turned around to face him.

“Yuuri...isn’t it?” he asked, with a question mark hanging in the air. He seemed less distraught by his surroundings, and was a lot more focused, more connected to the present.

“Yes, it is. You remembered,” said Yuuri with surprise, recalling that it had been at least two weeks since his name was mentioned in a rush.

“Do you remember anything else?” Yuuri asked with an encouraging smile.

“I remember…” the figure began, then paused as a crease knitted between his brows, and he began shaking his head. “The only thing I remember is a bike...and a phone number… and someone I was supposed to meet...but…”

“Don’t worry about it,” Yuuri said cheerfully, “Just relax. Maybe if I ask more specific questions about you?”

The apparition considered the suggestion for a moment, and gave a small nod.

“Do you...do you live in London?”

“Yes, I think I do.”

“Erm...do you live alone?”

“I have a dog. In a...flat, somewhere. And I live with someone...maybe my flatmate?”

Yuuri nodded encouragingly, this was all good progress.

“And the nearest tube station?”

The figure opened his mouth, as if to say something he’d repeated many times, but closed it with a snap.

“I only remember a very big and busy station…” he said eventually, with a look of slight distraught.

“That’s fine, that’s fine,” Yuuri said hurriedly, “Maybe I can list a few? And just tell me which one sounds familiar. So, erm...King’s Cross? Paddington? Waterloo? Euston? Victoria?”

“Victoria!” exclaimed the figure suddenly, his eyes lighting up in recognition.

“Do you live near Victoria station?” Yuuri asked with a hopeful smile.

“No, not the station, but my name, I remember my name,” he said in wide-eyed astonishment, “My name is Victor!”

Yuuri breathed in surprise at the unexpected success, “That’s excellent.”

“How could I have forgotten my name?” muttered Victor in disbelief, “This is so embarrassing.”

Then, he reached out his hand towards Yuuri and said with a bright smile, “We’ve not met properly, I’m Victor!”

Without thinking, Yuuri reached his hand forward as well.

And instead meeting in a firm handshake, Yuuri’s hand passed right through Victor’s ghostly form, and they both froze in mid-action.

Damn, damn, damn, thought Yuuri in horrified dismay. He was supposed to break the news in a much, much gentler way. Not that he had a plan yet, but this definitely wasn't the kind of news to slosh like a bucket of ice water on the poor soul.

Victor’s eyes were wide in shock and he stared at his hand in dismay.

An astonished silence passed between them, as Yuuri’s mind raced to find the words that could bridge the impossibility of the situation.

But no words seemed to come. What comfort or assurance could he offer to someone who just found out that the worst had happened to them?

Yuuri’s mouth hung open helplessly, as he watched Victor struggling in wide-eyed fear, a growing horror appearing on his face.  

He looked up slowly to meet Yuuri’s gaze, as if hoping this was all a joke. But Yuuri could only stare back in aghast at what he had done.  

“Am I...?” uttered Victor weakly, but his voice trailed off, unable to finish his words.

“Yes, Victor,” Yuuri replied softly, “I am so, so sorry.”

“Is that why I don’t remember anything?” said Victor in a scared voice.

Yuuri gave a small nod, and saw the despair creeping into Victor’s expression.

“Do you know why I’m here?” he pressed on in distress.

“I don’t know, Victor. I’m sorry,” said Yuuri again in a guilty voice.

“But surely you must know who I am if I’ve come to you? Surely we must have met before?” Victor pressed on, desperate for anything to cling on to.

Yuuri hesitated, not sure how much more Victor could take before breaking down. But the damage had already been done.

“I don’t know anything about you, Victor, because I’ve never met you before,” he replied truthfully, and quickly added, “But I am here to help you.”

Victor looked at him in open despair, as he struggled to take in two of the most wretched facts in the same instant.

That his life was over. And he knew nothing about that life.

Yuuri bit his lower lip, wracked with the guilt of accidentally revealing everything at once. If they’d just found out a bit more about Victor’s past, maybe just where he lived or what he did, then maybe Victor would have something to keep him grounded, and wouldn’t look so bewildered and scared.

Yuuri closed the distance between them, and said gently, “Don’t worry, Victor. You are not alone in this. I will help you.”

Victor stared at him in dismay, his bright blue eyes weighed down by the new reality that was fighting to sink in.

Amidst his overwhelming fear, a look of weariness appeared in his eyes, as he gave a small nod and said in a cracking voice, “Thank you, Yuuri. But I'm suddenly very tired. This is too much. Much too much. I don't think I can… I think I have to....”

Yuuri understood his unsaid words, and quickly said, “Of course, take as much time as you need to process this. But remember that I'm always here to help.”

He gave Yuuri a last grateful look, and rapidly disappeared with relief.

Yuuri stared at the empty space before him, feeling incredibly guilty over his idiotic blunder at such a delicate matter.

But he could also feel his resolve hardening. If there had been any doubts about helping this stranger, they were now gone.

He absolutely needed to see this through.

 

✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come chat on tumblr! [Weberina](http://weberina.tumblr.com/) & [Nothingtea](http://nothingtea.tumblr.com/)  
> Link to art [here](http://nothingtea.tumblr.com/post/170719107168/there-was-a-silence-that-seemed-to-ring-in-his/).


	2. Where Do You Come From?

 

✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧

 

Yuuri dragged his feet in low thuds up the third flight of stairs, head bowed in delirious exhaustion as he tried to reach his flat.

When he finally stumbled up the last step, he leaned heavily against the door and tested the handle.

Yes, he thought in relief, as the handle gave way easily and let him in the flat. Phichit had left it open, and he didn't need to rummage in his bag for his key.

“Any luck?” asked Phichit, as soon as Yuuri stepped through the door.

He shook his head slightly and dropped his bag by the door.

No luck. Yuuri had been on an ungodly number of night shifts these few weeks, but Victor hadn't returned, and the silence was unsettling.

“Cup of tea?” Phichit asked sympathetically.

Yuuri gave a weary nod, as he slumped against the marble green of the laminated counter, resting his chin on his arms as he watched Phichit fill the kettle in the tiny square kitchen.

A cup of strong tea should prop him up until he had some food, before proceeding to collapse in bed and sleep till tomorrow.

He stared blankly as Phichit popped two tea bags each in two large overused mugs with veins of light tea stains and chipped edges.

“Do you think I've scared him away?” Yuuri mumbled into his arm, while Phichit disappeared beneath the counter to reach their small barely-functional fridge, and emerged again with a carton of milk.

He gave Yuuri a pensive look, his fingers poised against the green cap of the carton.

“It's not news you get over easily,” he said with a helpless shrug, “Besides, you did tell him to take as much time as he needed. And who knows how time passes for him.”

Yuuri nodded reluctantly and buried his face in his arm.

He didn't know what happened between each of Victor’s  appearances but he couldn't help imagining an endless expanse of shapeless ether, with Victor drifting aimlessly within it, as lost and alone as he had been before he disappeared.

He lifted his head when Phichit plonked the large mug of tea before him, and he took it gratefully with a muttered thanks.

“Mindless TV?” Phichit suggested with a smile.

Yuuri nodded mutely again and followed him to the living room, settling with a sigh in the deep dent of of the two-seater with its rough cracking cover, propping his feet up on the heavy wooden coffee table that sometimes doubled up as their gaming bench.

The screen flickered to life, only to be filled by a large red and blue logo with the unmistakable letters B and H, signalling the inevitable start of the most innocuous of all British daytime television. Bargain Hunt.

There was something oddly comfortable about sinking into a lumpy couch, sipping warm inviting tea from a mug big enough to drown a rat, and watching a motley crew of people scouring the antique fairs for a bargain, cheered on by a man in a ridiculous suit and equally ridiculous glasses.

Yuuri simmered in his own thoughts, trying not to feel too helpless. He'd been tempted more than once to make some progress in finding out who Victor was.

But Phichit had repeatedly put down any plans he had of sneaking down by himself to the A&E to look through their database, insisting that he should get Leo’s help with this. Mainly because it was far too late in their rotation for the junior doctors to enjoy a level of anonymity among the permanent staff, which meant Yuuri couldn't just pretend to be a clueless newbie, and would definitely get caught without Leo to cover for him.

And it wasn't just that. With Victor temporarily out of reach, it felt too much like Yuuri was intruding on Victor’s life without his permission, which was never right even under these circumstances.

He took a long sip of tea and drowned himself in the mild chit chat of two contestants deciding whether to buy a large garish Toby jug.

“Do you think he's alright?” Yuuri asked suddenly.

Phichit stirred from his side of the couch, and gave Yuuri a pointed look. “Can you do anything if he's not?”

Yuuri shook his head sheepishly, feeling like he’d been caught in the act again by Phichit.

“And…?” Phichit prompted.

“And...I'll stop worrying,” Yuuri mumbled into his tea, hiding behind his steamed up glasses.

 

✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧

 

Yuuri never imagined it would be a relief to step into the dark office and find that he wasn't alone.

As soon as he shut the door, Victor appeared beside the round table, one hand resting lightly on its surface, the other clutching the black phone close to his heart.

He was bathed in the sliver of moonlight streaming through the window, and a lingering sadness seemed to weigh on his lithe frame.

“Victor, you're back,” Yuuri called out in surprise, eagerly hurrying towards the translucent figure.

Victor lifted his head in anticipation, and his eyes seemed to light up when he saw Yuuri.

“How long have I been away?” asked Victor curiously.

“About three weeks,” replied Yuuri simply, trying to hide all the secret worries he'd been harbouring.

A look of mild surprise crossed his pale features, as Victor lowered his gaze, framing his bright blue eyes with long silver lashes.

“I wonder where I went,” mused Victor distractedly, “It seems like a lot more and a lot less time than I expected has passed. I hope you weren't worried?”

“Just a little,” Yuuri admitted with a slight blush, “How are you?”

“I've probably been better,” joked Victor with a small chuckle, “I didn't expect to be so… overwhelmed.”

But Yuuri could see that underneath his smile, there were strained lines that betrayed his fatigue, and that whatever Victor was trying to brush off had really affected him.

With no one else for him to confide in, Yuuri suppressed the discomfort of being too intrusive and asked hesitantly, “What made you feel so overwhelmed?” hastily adding, “That is, I mean, if you want to talk about it…to me”

Victor cast him an quick glance, as he muttered, “It's nothing. It’s probably not all that important.”

It was an automatic response that Yuuri was all too familiar with, and so he waited patiently in silence.

After a brief pause, Victor stole another glance at Yuuri, and ventured in a tentative voice,

“I think, before I realized what had happened, I was really looking forward to meeting this person -- whoever they were. And when I realized it wasn't going to happen… that it was too late… I felt this _awful_ wave of regret. Like there was only one thing in world I wanted to do, and I couldn't do it anymore.”

He paused again and gave an awkward chuckle, as if he was slightly embarrassed by his emotions.

But Yuuri nodded in sympathy. He couldn't grasp the full measure of Victor’s feelings, but he could imagine the heavy dread of not being able to hug his parents goodbye or share one last laugh with Phichit.

“It sounds a bit silly doesn't it?” asked Victor with a helpless look, “To long for someone I don't even remember. And to miss them so much that I'd come back as a ghost to haunt them.”

“No, it doesn't,” replied Yuuri firmly, “It doesn't sound silly at all. It only sounds like this person is very important to you.”

Victor looked up to meet Yuuri's gaze, his eyes vulnerable with raw emotion, betraying just how much he truly wanted to see this person again. It was enough to convince Yuuri that here laid the key to Victor’s presence.

“Victor, do you think finding this person is what we'll need to do for you to move on?” Yuuri asked gently.

Victor gazed at him briefly, before saying in a hesitant voice, "It may be."

"Would you like me to help you find them?" asked Yuuri in earnest, "And of course find out who you are as well."

A look of troubled indecision appeared in Victor's eyes. “Are you sure you want to? You must be so busy here...”

“Of course I do.” said Yuuri warmly, waving away Victor's with a small grin, “It won't be any trouble. Besides I need a hobby.”

At Yuuri's reply, a laugh like clear crystal escaped from Victor's lips and a bright smile appeared on his face.

Yuuri felt his heart skip a beat, mesmerised by the radiance of Victor's smile, and felt as if a small wrong in the universe had been righted.

 

✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧

 

Caught between Phichit’s constant nagging and Victor’s hopeful glances, Yuuri was finally driven into action.

He darted nervous glances around him, afraid that his presence at the A&E would be questioned, keeping his ears peeled for the infamous head nurse they’d nicknamed Mugshot, mainly because of her deadly memory for faces, coupled with a formidable bark.

“I'm retrieving the blood work at admission,” repeated Yuuri to himself, “Blood work at admission. Blood work at admission.” It was the most reasonable alibi he could come up with to explain his cross-over from pediatrics to A&E.

His long chats with Victor hadn't really yielded too much information, aside from a wealth of stories about his dog, who sounded like an adorable handful, and had Yuuri laughing to tears at his antics.

The only hint that seemed to be helpful were the long walks they took in a beautiful park nearby. This, combined with Victor's expensive suit that had been identified as Louis Vuitton with Phichit's help, supported Yuuri's initial theory that Victor was probably a well-off professional, maybe in finance or tech, maybe living in Chelsea or Kensington, somewhere near Hyde Park, which certainly qualified as a beautiful park that was large enough for long walks.

But unless Yuuri could bring Victor outdoors and they could scavenge the entire area surrounding Hyde Park for familiar signs of Victor’s past, not to mention in the dead of night, they should first follow up on a more straightforward clue.

Victor could be a victim of a bike accident who essentially latched on to the first person his drifting spirit came across. Which was why Yuuri had been summoning up the courage to ask Leo for help at the A&E. That would have been where Victor was admitted, which could lead to more information about who he was.

Yuuri spent a week trying to come up with a plausible excuse for Leo, despite Phichit’s repeated insistence that Leo wouldn’t bother prying. But there didn’t seem to be anything he could say that didn't involve revealing too much about his new secret companion.

In the end, Yuuri decided to bite the bullet and just ask. He already had a reputation for being isolated and weird, so he reasoned that being slightly evasive about one more matter probably  wouldn’t raise an eyebrow.

To Yuuri’s surprise, instead of even just the slight interest he expected Leo to have, Leo immediately gave him a time and place, followed by an adamant, “I do not want to know _anything_.”

His response made Yuuri feel like they were in a detective-noir novel, as he followed the swirling muted colors of the corridors that linked the different wings, and saw Leo waiting for him at the appointed spot, next to one of the hand sanitizing stations.

“Mugshot is on a break, so we have twenty minutes,” muttered Leo under his breath and began walking briskly to a secluded console in the far corner. Yuuri hurried after him, even more bewildered by the furtiveness of their mission, and how routine this seemed to Leo.

“Don’t look so guilty,” said Leo as they approached the console, and Yuuri tried to relax his face into an awkward smile.

“Do you do this often?” asked Yuuri in mild shock.

Leo dragged two chairs towards the console and logged them in.

“More often than I should,” replied Leo with a wink at Yuuri’s widened eyes, “Guanghong’s never happy with the secondhand information that gets passed to him, so…” Leo gave a helpless shrug, and pushed the keyboard towards Yuuri.

Yuuri gave a small chuckle of understanding. Guanghong had a slight reputation for detective work, House MD style.

“Has he gotten you in trouble yet?” Yuuri asked curiously as they waited for the system to load.

“Let’s just say I’ve stopped asking questions,” Leo said with a grimace, “The less I know, the better.”

“I don’t think I’ll be putting our jobs at risk, Leo,” said Yuuri with a grin, suddenly amused at how nervous he’d been about asking Leo for help.

He dragged the keyboard closer to him when the patient database was loaded, and began searching for Victor. Or Viktor. They hadn't quite figured out which it was yet.

Trying to resist the temptation of casting nervous glances around them, Yuuri managed to narrow down the list of Victors from the last six months, and scanned through the summary data on the screen.

They started from the date that Victor had appeared in person, and searched backwards in time. The list was surprisingly short, given the number of people that passed through those doors. About two dozens of the Victors they found fell within the age range of mid-twenties to mid-thirties, and Yuuri accessed each of their files for details of their condition at admission and their current status.

None of them were involved in bike accidents, that is, when the case notes were sufficiently detailed to mention a cause. More importantly, none of them were deceased before discharge. Yuuri took down their names anyway, in case something had happened to them after they left the hospital. Then, they expanded the search to the previous nine months, but still couldn't find anyone that fully matched Victor's profile, and Yuuri was left more perplexed than ever.

“Assuming that our data’s accurate, Yuuri, I don't think your unknown person came through our A&E,” said Leo with an apologetic look.

Yuuri nodded his head reluctantly. There was the possibility that Victor’s name was misspelled or his age misrecorded in the database. But they would have to search through every single patient who was admitted over the last six months, and accessing a few thousand files in one sitting was definitely classified as suspicious behaviour.

“Do you not have anything else to go on?” prompted Leo, clearly troubled that their search had turned up nothing, despite his apparent unwillingness to participate.

Yuuri shook his head, as he replied ambiguously, “The person has...limited access to their past.”

He could see Leo’s ear prick up in interest, a barage of questions nearly bursting from his half-opened lips, but he caught himself in time and said curtly, “I don’t want to know. And our time is up.”

Yuuri couldn’t help a small grin, as he thanked Leo and made his way back, wondering what sort of calamity Guanghong had brought down on him.

Yuuri walked briskly down the long corridor of the hospital, the colors around him becoming more vibrant as he approached the pediatric ward.

Suddenly, he screeched to halt, nearly jumping out of his skin when Victor materialised beside him.

“Hello, Yuuri!” greeted Victor in a sunny voice, as Yuuri clutched his poor heart, trying to recover from the fright. He quickly glanced around him to check if anyone else saw his reaction.

Victor had taken to doing that recently, popping up unexpectedly at random places when Yuuri was alone. Yuuri hadn't yet mastered the art of remaining impassive to Victor’s sudden appearances, resulting in a number of awkward moments, where his jumpiness couldn't be explained.  

The upside was that Victor was no longer confined to the drab office, and he eagerly followed Yuuri around the hospital, keenly interested in everything Yuuri did.

He also seemed to be staying longer each time he appeared, and Yuuri swore that he had become more opaque, or at least, less monochromatic. Like his hair seemed to be an intriguing silvery blond, not just lightly coloured. And his red shirt was embossed with faint damask patterns in deep scarlet.

Phichit seemed to think it was because Victor was becoming more corporeal, or more in-line with the vibrations of this world, or something along those lines. He reckoned that Victor should continue to become more solid, and will hang around Yuuri for longer periods of time, possibly even permanently.

Though in pure practical terms, it meant the constant company of a charming, excitable shadow, plus all the pros and cons that came with it.

Victor sauntered beside him, and asked cheerfully, “Any luck with the search?”

Yuuri shook his head imperceptibly and cast Victor a look of guilt, while trying not to attract too much attention to himself.

“Hmmm...maybe I wasn't brought to this hospital,” mused Victor with a frown, “But if that's the case, I wonder why I'm here?”

Yuuri shrugged a little, equally confused by the conundrum. He supposed Victor could be a referral from another hospital that went straight to another department, but where would he even begin his search if that were the case?

“Maybe we can wait a little, and see if I remember anything else?” Victor suggested doubtfully, a small pout forming on his lips.

Yuuri bit the inside of his lower lip, feeling bad for Victor. They tended to need some kind of external cue to dredge up anything useful in Victor’s memory. Which left them with more or less one option.

If Phichit was right, then Victor would able to remain long enough in the near future to follow Yuuri outdoors after his shift, and so they could have a potter around London until they came across something useful maybe…?

Yuuri gave a small sigh, accepting that walking around London after his shift was probably better for his health than collapsing into a vegetative state at home, and so he muttered quickly under his breath, “Hyde park?”

Victor’s eyes lit up immediately. “Excellent. Yes, we should go there when we can! Do you think I'll see my dog there?”

Yuuri suppressed a laugh and shrugged again, though glad that the suggestion had lifted Victor’s mood.

Yuuri turned a corner to the ward he was stationed at tonight, careful to avoid accidentally walking through Victor, another art he had yet to master.

“Are you going around the ward now?” Victor asked eagerly.

Yuuri nodded and shot him a warm smile. It was nice to have Victor around during his blood collection runs in the wee hours of the morning. There was something soothing about the comfortable stream of lighthearted chatter, mostly about little things that Victor noticed. As if his lack of a past made him keenly aware and ever amazed by the present.

It also helped that most of the kids could sense Victor’s presence, and some of them could even see Victor. Which meant that they were either too distracted by an invisible presence they couldn't comprehend, or were busy giggling at Victor’s silly antics. Either way, it took their attention off the scary needle that Yuuri held, and reduced the chances of them yanking it out. It was certainly one of the perks of being haunted that Phichit’s movies could never have predicted.

 

✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧

 

“Yuuuuri, why do we keep staying here? We should go out!”

Yuuri didn’t look up from his phone, and replied in a patient voice.

“Victor, I'm still working. Besides, didn't we go out yesterday?”

From the corner of his eye, he saw Victor hovering just over his shoulder to peek at his phone. But Yuuri had gotten used to his nosiness, and carried on scrolling through his daily updates.

The ward was very quiet tonight, and he could spare a few minutes catching up on his social media before taking his mid-shift nap.

“But we were barely out for two hours and I had to go before your brunch arrived. I didn't even get to see what a Shakshuka was.”

Yuuri chuckled in helpless amusement. Their detective work around London was turning more into a city discovery tour, with Victor dragging them into any quirky cafes and quaint little shops they stumbled across.

Phichit tagged along when he could, which made talking to Victor a little easier, but mostly made Yuuri feel like he was there as a medium, almost like an interpreter, looking on helplessly while the two of them plotted their next destination, their true task repeatedly abandoned. Not that they were having any luck in the first place, their searches so far had all been futile.

“We could go back to the café today, and you can order the Shakshuka again. Maybe I'll get to see it this time?” Victor suggested hopefully.

Yuuri looked at him blankly, “Victor, we're not going back to the same place twice in a row, and ordering the same thing again.”

Then, Yuuri suddenly remembered that he had taken a photo of the dish and quickly called it up.

“Sorry, I forgot to show this to you,” said Yuuri with a grin, and moved the phone closer to Victor. “It's the Shakshuka.”

Victor frowned dubiously at the picture of a metallic dish filled with a dark red broth.

“Basically, it was a very rich tomato and red pepper sauce with some cream and some bread,” explained Yuuri, “It was very nice.”

“I was expecting something more than that. The name made it sound so exciting,” said Victor, wrinkling his nose, “Maybe you should have gone for the waffles after all.”

Yuuri chuckled at his words, and returned to scrolling through the usual collection of pictures, birthdays and events on his social media. Victor’s curiosity about the dish was now channeled towards Yuuri's non-existent social life.

“Wait, wait!” Victor suddenly exclaimed, “Go back.”

Yuuri obediently scrolled back to the top, amused at how involved Victor was being.

“That,” said Victor, and pointed to an event on the screen, “Aren’t you going to that?”

Yuuri looked more closely at the event, and realized it was drinks tomorrow at some bar with a few other junior doctors in his year.

Yuuri shook his head slightly and replied, “Probably not.”

“Why not?” said Victor with a slight whine in his voice, “You're not on a night shift tomorrow.”

Yuuri sighed helplessly. Victor knew his schedule better than he did sometimes.

“I could come along if you did,” said Victor eagerly.

Yuuri looked wearily at him. “Do we really have to, Victor?”

“What if I used to live near the bar?” Victor replied with a defiant look, “We'd be missing a golden opportunity.”

Yuuri threw him a dirty look, unfooled by his obvious ploy for another night out.

Based on Victor’s expensive tastes when they walked around London, it was unlikely that they'll find anything familiar to him in that area, which was just a little north of where the hospital was, and not entirely the usual haunt of young well-off professionals.

Victor’s usual stomping grounds were probably in West London, where townhouses had stone pillars on their doorsteps, or ornate little balconies, and a small park for private use. With patisseries and charcuteries around the corner.

Not drab terraced houses with dirty yellow-brown bricks, and haphazard local shops that sold hashish at one end and vegetables in the other.

Even so, it didn't stop Victor from pleading in ernest, “Please, Yuuri. They’re meeting at the hospital before the bar anyway, and if I get to appear, we can go together.”

“But if you don't appear-”

“Then, you still get to go to the bar!”

Yuuri grimaced slightly. It wouldn’t be the first time he'd been stood up by a ghost and was forced to take part in a social gathering alone.

Not that he didn't like the people in his batch. But socialising in a large group really took it out off him. And with his busy work life, he'd started to get a little rusty with non-medical talk.

“Please, Yuuri,” begged Victor, “I need to live vicariously through you.”

Yuuri sighed inwardly and relented, before returning to his phone to join the event.

“Great,” exclaimed Victor, beaming brightly, “I hope I appear tomorrow.”

Yuuri smiled secretly at the excited grin. He hoped so too. It was much easier to relax when he had Victor around, muttering cheeky comments that no one else could hear. It made the whole prospect  a little less daunting. Though he’d have to ask Phichit to give him a kick when he started to giggle a little too loudly to himself.

 

✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧

 

“Why are we going to this bar again?” complained Leo, “It’s ages away. Why can’t we go somewhere near the hospital?”

“Because I’m sick and tired of the entire Brixton-Camberwell area,” replied Phichit firmly, “We never go beyond that little bubble, and I miss civilization.”

“We’re going to a place called the Walrus Bar, I don’t think that counts as civilization, Phichit,” said Sara with a laugh.

Yuuri walked behind them on the way to the bus stop, content to hang back and listen to the conversation. Victor had turned up after all, and was walking beside him with a wide grin, giddily happy to be away from the stuffy halls of the hospital.

He was looking at everything as though he was seeing them for the first time. Yuuri watched him carefully for any sign of recollection, technically, it was possible that anything could trigger Victor’s memory.

They piled onto the bus and made their way towards the river. Yuuri held tightly onto the handrail as the red double-decker swerved through traffic, occasionally scaring the hell of the passengers by stopping suddenly to avoid a reckless cyclist.

Yuuri caught a thoughtful look on Victor’s face, and muttered under his breath, “Anything?”

Victor shook his head and sighed, “Nope. No traumatic memories. So I don’t think I was run over by a bus as a cyclist. Although,” he said with a frown and Yuuri followed his gaze towards one of the seated passengers, “I may have formed new traumatic memories. I just saw that guy sticking a chewed piece of gum on the seat,” said Victor with a shiver, “Why do people _do_ that? They should be heavily fined and made to do community service.”

Yuuri sniggered silently at Victor’s disgust, and when he caught Phichit’s questioning glance, he muttered softly, “It’s nothing. Victor just saw someone sticking gum to their seat.”

When they finally arrived, they stood outside the bar, eyeing the large brown sign with some doubt, which, true to its name, had a picture of a large walrus. Beneath it were a few smokers, huddling around the wooden benches outside, attempting to inhale their cigarettes before their drinks froze over in the cold.

“Your invitation didn’t say this was a bar _and_ hostel, Phichit,” remarked Leo with one eyebrow raised in indignation.

Phichit shrugged in mock innocence, “I just thought, backpackers. Can’t go wrong with backpackers. They’re always good entertainment.”

“I’m picking the next place,” said Leo in a warning tone, as Sara shoved him through the doors and told him to stop being a wuss.

Victor lingered for a moment outside the door, a curious expression on his face as he looked up at the sign, with a slight crease between his brows. But when he caught Yuuri looking at him intently, he shook his head slightly and followed them in.

The haphazard decor and brightly-colored sofas were ample evidence that the place was a backpackers’ paradise, coupled with tired-looking travellers tapping away madly on their laptops, or video-calling someone on their phones.

Thankfully, it was a weekday so it wasn’t too busy, and they could horde an entire corner, with Yuuri teetering on the end of the sofa, and Victor perched demurely on a chair beside them. In the lull before the evening rush, the staff were being extra friendly. Phichit and Guanghong were at the bar for ages when they went to order the drinks, possibly trapped by of the servers at the bar. Another staff even pulled up a chair to join them after a while.

“All of you? Doctors?” she exclaimed, properly impressed.

“Junior doctors,” Guanghong corrected her modestly.

“Are you on strike again? That’s why you’re here,” she asked in a teasing voice to general chuckling.

They had all joined the junior doctors’ strike last year, in response to the government’s attempt to impose new contracts on them, and the whole debacle had received a lot of press coverage, with varying degrees of bias.

“I think we did the right thing,” responded Sara with a smile, “Or at least, the government now knows they can’t just strong-arm people into doing things for political reasons without thinking it through.”

“I agree,” quipped Victor, eager to participate, even though only Yuuri could hear him. “The Tories have shot themselves in the foot with this one. They’re not even funding a five-day NHS sufficiently and they want to stretch it to seven days?”

Yuuri looked curiously at Victor, and asked softly, “You seemed to have paid a lot of attention to the strike.”

Phichit heard the one-sided exchange, and leaned towards Yuuri so that it looked like they were having a private conversation and Yuuri wasn’t just talking to himself.

Victor had a look of surprise, “Actually, I _do_ seem to remember quite a lot about the strike. I feel like I was involved somehow...”

He stared vacantly at the wall ahead, and added slowly, “I don’t know… it’s this bar I think. It’s making me remember all sorts of stuff. Like I remember talking about the strike with someone here. And I remember a guy who wouldn’t shut up about Peru…”

When Yuuri repeated Victor’s words to Phichit, he sat up immediately and whispered urgently, “Did this guy have giant dreadlocks?”

Victor’s eyes widened in shock, “Yes! And he kept giving me the wrong drinks!”

“That's the guy who served us. The Peru guy,” said Phichit eagerly, his eyes glinting with excitement, “I think you've been to this bar before, Victor. Maybe you were a regular?”

Yuuri frowned at the sudden influx of new information.

If Victor did live nearby and frequented this very quirky establishment, then they'd have to reconsider their theory that Victor was a busy banker, especially given that his commute to the financial district would be fairly hellish. But it was hard to tell what sort of people lived in the area around the bar. He supposed there was another major hospital nearby, which may offer a clue.  

Another curious thing that niggled the back of his mind was that while many people knew about the doctor’s strike, most of them didn’t actually care enough to find out the reason behind it, or have a personal connection to it.

When he voiced his concerns, Phichit carefully considered the alternatives, and said, “I’m not sure if knowing about the strike implies anything, really. All sorts of people got involved. I think the more important thing is that Victor knows this bar. Maybe we should focus on that?”

Yuuri nodded in agreement, and suggested, "Maybe we can ask the Peru guy whether he knows anything about Victor?"

"No," replied Victor and Phichit in unison. 

Yuuri stared at their firm expressions in surprise. "Why not?"

"Because," began Phichit with a bleak look, "He's so high right now, I don't think he remembers his own name. I told him my name three times but he kept calling me Peaches."

"Same thing happened to me every time we talked," Victor agreed sagely, "But mine was Vicky, Vincent and Vinny." 

Yuuri let out an audible sigh. "Anybody else seem familiar in this bar?" he asked in a less than hopeful tone.

Victor gave another cursory glance around the space and shook his head. Which Yuuri supposed wasn't surprising, especially since youth hostels were known for having speedy staff turnovers. 

He sighed again and said tiredly, "I suppose we should go back to Plan A then? And walk around this area until we find something that looks familiar?”

Phichit gave a helpless shrug, while Victor nodded pensively, and sank back into his chair, where he remained silent for the rest of the evening.

When they left the bar, the others headed home, but Phichit remained behind with Yuuri. They picked a random direction and began walking.

Victor was observing their surroundings with a serious expression, eyeing every building to see if they felt familiar.

They soon arrived to a very pleasant area near Lambeth Palace, which was the residence of the Archbishop of Canterbury. Victor eyed the tourist attraction curiously, its stately wooden entrance framed by two stolid towers made of red bricks. 

“This _may_ seem familiar,” he said slowly, and began peering at his surroundings. His footsteps took him away from the palace, hesitant at first but gradually becoming more confident as they followed a direction he seemed to know. 

To Yuuri's confusion, they stopped abruptly on a seemingly random spot on the main road, but when he followed Victor's gaze, it was fixed on the opposite side of the road, where a small secluded path could be seen between two walled buildings, barred by a black metal gate. 

Victor pointed at the path and asked in a dry voice, “Where does that path lead?”

“The path?” Yuuri turned to look at Phichit and repeated Victor's words. Phichit shrugged, and they both whipped out their phones to check on Google Maps.

Phichit got there first and read out, “It leads to the Lambeth Palace Gardens. Oh wait no, that's the other bit. It leads to the Archbishop’s Park.”

Victor hurried across the road, leaving the other two behind, and came to a stop as he hovered just outside the gates, peering between the bars at the park beyond, as though the green lawns and shady trees were clear as daylight before him.

“I think I used to walk my dog here,” he said in a distant voice, when Yuuri caught up to him.

“This is the park?” exclaimed Yuuri in amazement, “Doesn't this mean you don’t live too far from here, Victor? And didn’t you say there was a major station nearby? Waterloo is not far.”

Victor nodded slowly, his eyes still fixed on the inside of the park, but he ventured no further. His face was scrunched up in obvious distress, and it seemed like something was holding him back from passing through the gates. Yuuri could see from the deep troubled lines of Victor's face that he must be overwhelmed by the sudden flood of memories seeing the park had brought back.

Yuuri watched him wordlessly, waiting for his next move, not even blinking when Phichit finally appeared behind them. 

After a while, Victor turned towards Yuuri, “I think I need to go now…” His voice sounded weak and distant, and he had already begun to fade.

Yuuri gave an understanding nod, and replied, “I’ll see you soon, Victor.”

He saw the remnants of a small smile as Victor disappeared into the night.

“Has Victor gone?” asked Phichit.

Yuuri nodded as he replied, “This was the park.”

“So, he does live nearby,” said Phichit with a satisfied nod.

Yuuri and Phichit gazed around as they started on their way back, casually glancing at the rows of houses and flats, wondering which one of them was Victor’s. And what kind of life he used to live.

 

✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧

 

Yuuri was frozen in a state of panic.

He had just disinfected the puncture site on his patient's back and was holding a two-and-a-half inch needle in one hand. But all he could do was stare at the dark yellow patch of iodine with a white blankness, trying to get his mind to move forward.

What was he supposed to do now?

He needed to get on with the lumbar puncture, but all his brain could think of was, Why is the patient so tiny? And why is the needle so big? What if she moves? What if I paralyse her for life?

He'd done this a few times under supervision but the registrar who usually supervised the procedure had left to deal with another patient, leaving him alone with this brave six-year-old who was hugging her knees into her chest and bracing herself for the puncture.

Think, think! He told himself. Don’t screw this up!

But he couldn’t for the life of him move his arm.

“Yuuri?” Victor’s curious voice came from his right, but he was too frozen to look up. He cast a panicked sideways glance at Victor, who instantly realized what was going on.

“Calm down, Yuuri,” Victor said soothingly, “You’ve got this. You’ve done this before, right? I’ve seen you do it. You will not hurt the patient. You’ve got this.”

Yuuri managed a small nod.

“Now, feel for the L4 spinous process, and position the needle.”

Yuuri waded through the mist of anxiety and clung on to the calm voice. He felt his rational brain kick in and he reached his hand forward to feel for the distinctive bump under the skin near the end of the spine.

“Now, push the needle inwards until you feel the pop into the subarachnoid space. You know how to do it. Just stay calm and remember the technique.”

Yuuri took a deep breath and plunged the needle past the skin and into the subcutaneous layer, trying to keep his hand steady as he did so. It wouldn't be long now before he reached the thin barrier that surrounded the spinal fluid.

But he suddenly hit an impassable barrier, and the needle refused to sink any further.

He froze instantly. What was happening? Why wasn’t the needle passing through? Oh god. He’s never had this before. The needle always slid past the cushiony membranes with ease until it reached the spinal fluid.

He gave Victor a panicked look.

“I think you hit a bone.” Victor said calmly, “Think about which bone it is, withdraw the needle and try again.”

Yuuri glanced back at his patient, who was still keeping her position with her eyes tightly shut, and he was silently thankful that the local anesthesia was holding up.

From his position, he tried to reason which bone the needle had encountered, then withdrew the needle, carefully changed his trajectory and plunged deeper.

To his relief, he felt the expected ‘give’ of the dura mater, and reached the spinal fluid. With an inward sigh, he carefully collected the fluid into a small vial.

The registrar returned to observe the procedure, and said in a bright voice to the patient, “Well done, Anastasia. Just a little while more.”

Then he glanced over at Yuuri’s handiwork, and said with a smile, “Great technique, Yuuri.”

Yuuri blushed slightly at the compliment as he slowly withdrew the needle, and swabbed the area with disinfectant.

“Is it finished?” asked Anastasia with one eye open.

“All done,” replied the registrar, “You can lie back down now.” Then, he turned to Yuuri with a smile, “You should send that to the lab asap. Good job.”

Yuuri quickly walked down the hall and dropped off the vial for the standard tests, before hurrying to a deserted room and collapsing against the wall, trying to recover his nerves.

Victor stood beside him with a gentle smile, quietly waiting for Yuuri to recover from his ordeal.

Yuuri looked gratefully at him, and said, “Thanks, Victor.”

“Anytime,” said Victor with a grin

Then, with a look of slight hesitation, he added, “You know, Yuuri, if you freeze up again, you should ask the registrar for help.”

Yuuri glanced briefly at him, and opened his mouth to reply, but shut it again.

He didn’t quite know how to describe what he was feeling. He felt that he should’ve known how to perform this procedure on his own, even though it was probably one of the most nerve-wracking procedures that junior doctors had to do, especially on pediatric patients. But, still, it was his job and that was his patient, so it was his responsibility to know what to do. 

But Victor seemed to read his mind, because he continued in a gentle tone, “No one will think any less of you if you ask for help, Yuuri. You’re not supposed to do this alone.”

They remained in silence together, as Yuuri mulled over Victor's words.

He hadn't realized what an odd frame of mind he had been in for a long time. He had gotten so used to thinking that all the patients under his care were his responsibility and his responsibility alone, that he’d forgotten he was also here to learn, and it was outrageous to expect that he should know everything or be able to perform everything to perfection. And his own unrealistic expectations of himself had created a lot of unncessary pressure over the years. 

Victor was right, and he glanced back at Victor, wanting to thank him again.

But just when he was about to speak, a sudden realization dawned on Yuuri.

“Victor, how did you know how to perform a lumbar puncture?” he asked slowly.

Victor looked at him blankly, “I’ve seen you do it a few times, remember?”

“But how did you know that I’d hit a bone? I’ve never had that before.”

Victor's eyes widened as he considered the question, and Yuuri's mind began racing to piece together all the hints they'd gathered so far. There was Victor’s involvement in the doctor’s strike, him living in an unexpected area of London, but one which was close to a major hospital, his delight at interacting with Yuuri's patients, and now this.

“Victor...” said Yuuri, “Do you think you used to be in health care? Maybe as a doctor?”

Victor stared mutely at Yuuri, as though he was struggling to recall his past occupation, then he shook his head slowly with a frown.

“I don't remember anything,” he replied in a troubled voice, “Or at least… I don't feel anything. And I'm in a hospital right now, if I am a doctor, surely I would feel...or remember... _something..._ ” His voice trailed off as he delved into his memories with a frown. 

Yuuri looked on in slience, secretly searching Victor’s face for any signs of recollection. There could be many reasons why Victor seemed to be proficient at performing lumbar punctures, but being a doctor was still the best explanation. It certainly would help if he remembered anything, anything at all...

But Victor eventually surfaced from his trance with a helpless smile and a small shrug. He’d found nothing.

“I have no explanation,” he said in a light tone, “Maybe I saw it on TV?”

Yuuri couldn't help chuckling at the suggestion that a potential disaster had just been averted because a ghost remembered a minor detail from a TV show.

“Then it's good thing you like medical dramas," joked Yuuri, "Or Anastasia will still have a needle stuck in her back.”

Then, Yuuri suddenly lowered his gaze towards the floor, and said in an embarrassed voice, “I suppose I can't rely on your help everytime I'm in trouble. I'll try harder to ask for help when I have a panic attack.”

He saw Victor’s feet taking two steps towards him, and looked up to see a fond smile on Victor’s face, as Victor replied, “But until you're ready do that, Yuuri, you can always count on my support. That is, if I'm around. And know what to do”

Yuuri returned his smile, feeling a warm flood of affection wash over him.

There was a tight coil of tension that Yuuri always held deep within him. He didn’t know why, but just for a moment, he felt it loosen slightly, and just for a moment, he felt safe and fully secure, as though he could deal with anything that came his way.

 

✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧

 

“There. Isn’t this better than being stuck in the hospital for hours and hours on end?” beamed Victor, as they stepped through the automatic doors and into the chilly night air.

Yuuri wanted to protest. It was warm in the hospital at least. Not windy, wet and miserable.

Upon discovering that Victor may have lived in the Lambeth area, Yuuri began to take less unsociable shifts, and sometimes left the hospital at around eight in the evening. Which was possibly better than eight in the morning, and he didn’t have to battle the flow of people going the other way, trying to get a good look at their surroundings, while pedestrians constantly walked right through Victor.

With his free evenings, they began exploring the area around the park, slowly walking past the houses to see if any of them jumped out at Victor. Yuuri wasn’t sure what they would do once they found the house, but presumably somebody in the building would know who he was.

But tonight Yuuri had a specific destination in mind. Instead of their usual aimless wandering, Yuuri knew exactly where they should go. It was a suspicion that had grown gradually in his mind ever since Victor helped him with the lumbar puncture.

Since then, Yuuri began to notice that the breadth and depth of Victor’s medical knowledge was far greater than the average layperson’s, but any information he knew had to be teased out surreptitiously through idle chatter or nondescript actions. Actually, the best way to test Victor's knowledge was to disguise it as a plea for help, which was quickly becoming a very bad habit, given that Yuuri was supposed to be learning how to ask others for help, not Victor.

It was oddly comfortable, just walking and talking with Victor.

The quiet deserted streets in the evening meant that Yuuri could have a normal conversation with Victor, without the fear of looking like a madman, wandering the streets and talking to himself.

Yuuri rarely relaxed fully into himself. He was perpetually on alert, always worrying whether what he said or did was right. But Victor seemed to calm him down just by his mere presence. No expectations, no demands. Yuuri could be silent. Or excited. Or moody. And Victor would accept it with a smile, or a laugh, or the right words. He could talk freely with Victor, who seemed delighted to learn everything about him.

“What specialty are you thinking of doing Yuuri?” asked Victor casually.

“Hmm?” Yuuri responded distractedly, gazing at the rows of trees that lined the street.

“Your specialty next year,” Victor repeated.

“I’m thinking of staying in pediatrics,” Yuuri said with a smile, “It's the only department so far where I actually enjoy spending time with my patients, and I'm not worrying about whether they think I'm doing a good job.”

Victor nodded in agreement, “Yeah, children can be very trusting.” Then he laughed, “But they don't think twice about kicking you when they're scared.”

Yuuri chuckled at the remark, he's had his fair share of bruises from trying to get a patient to comply with procedures they didn't want.

“Toddlers are the worst,” Yuuri added with a pained look, “They fight like there's no tomorrow.”

“And they're freakishly strong,” replied Victor with a laugh.

Their unhurried footsteps eventually brought them to St Thomas’ Hospital, which was a haphazard collection of buildings, from modern minimalist to charming brickwork.

As they stood before the dim lights coming from the hospital before them, Yuuri looked closely at Victor’s expression, waiting to see if there was even a slight hint of a change.

If Victor used to be a doctor or a nurse or an administrator, and he lived nearby, then this must have been the hospital he worked at, and bringing him here must trigger something. 

But Victor’s face remained expressionless. He slowly surveyed the white panels of the squat building on one end, which was embellished by a bright red sign that signalled the entrance to the A&E, then his gaze moved on to the rusty red facade of a towering building on the other end, which probably housed a number of different departments.

They lingered for a long while before the buildings under the glow of the street lamps, nodding to the occasional passerby, who hurried past. Yuuri was about to give up and suggest they leave, when Victor’s eyes suddenly fell on the far end of the buildings, and he walked briskly down the road. Yuuri hurried after him, only to find that Victor had turned into a small forbidding alley between the buildings. He glanced nervously around him to check if anyone was around, and quickly dodged into the alley after Victor.

Yuuri followed wordlessly, quietly observing the practiced ease with which Victor wove through the hospital complex, passing through the right alleys and gates until they reached a quiet path. When Yuuri cast his gaze down the path, he realized that it led to the river at the opposite end of the hospital, and Victor was striding surely towards it.

They came to a stop beside the slow moving water, listening to the gentle lapping at the banks. Victor's gaze was drawn by the multitude of city lights that glittered on the dark surface of the river. A long majestic bridge bisected the river, and the unmistakable sight of Westminster Palace shimmered in the darkness on the opposite bank. Victor seemed to know this spot well, as he leaned against the railings, and embraced the serenity of the night like an old friend.

After a brief pause, Yuuri asked softly, “What do you remember, Victor?” 

Victor looked at him, misty-eyed and distant, “I don’t remember anything about the hospital." Then, he returned his gaze to the river, as he added with a sigh, "But I remember coming here, many, many times.”

He closed his eyes, and took a long and deep breath, as if he was deparated to savour the moist, chilly air coming from the river. Yuuri could almost sense the memory of the cold breeze that once combed through Victor's silvery blond hair. It felt like the weight of a thousand matters had been laid on Victor’s shoulders, but just for a moment, he could shrug it off in the solitude he found, standing by the river.

“I think you were right, Yuuri,” said Victor eventually in a subdued voice, “Everything is telling us that I was a doctor who used to work here. But I don’t remember anything about my work. Only that I came here to escape.” Then he turned towards Yuuri with a sad expression on his face, “When everything became too much, I would come here to watch the boats go past.”

As if on cue, a river cruise slowly sliced through the water, lively with the sounds of laughter and the clinking of glasses, full of life and merriment that stood in stark contrast to the fragile darkness and the silence of the river.

Yuuri followed the slow progress of the boat until it left their sight.

His mind was troubled by the dejection in Victor’s voice, baffled by the complete absence of any emotional ties that Victor had to his work, and intrigued by how strongly Victor had been drawn to the solitude of this hiding place. But all of this was enough to convince him that his instincts had been right, he could see no other reason for a person to come here frequently for a breather if they didn’t work nearby.

It seems that they have found a solid piece to the puzzle of Victor's life, that is, the axel around which his life revovled. Even if it didn't seem to bring him much joy, it was what he had spent most of his life doing, and they would have to delve deeper into his work, no matter how reluctant he was. 

Yuuri cast a surreptitious glance at the downcast look that shadowed Victor’s face, so far removed from his usual bubbly excitement and carefree smiles. It made his heart ache  to see the heaviness that rested on Victor’s form.

They'd found what they came for, and so Yuuri decided that they’d searched enough for today. 

Instead of prodding further into Victor's memories, Yuuri asked instead with a warm smile, “Now that we're done for the day, what should we do before you have to leave?” And he felt his spirits lifted when he saw the familiar glint of excitement reappear in Victor’s eyes.

 

✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come chat on tumblr! [Weberina](http://weberina.tumblr.com/) & [Nothingtea](http://nothingtea.tumblr.com/)  
> Link to art [here](http://nothingtea.tumblr.com/post/170719107168/there-was-a-silence-that-seemed-to-ring-in-his).


	3. Who Are You?

✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧

 

Yuuri slumped himself on the nurse’s counter and pretended to read a patient’s file, trying to hide his moodiness from his colleagues around him.

Minor spats with Victor were now inevitable, given how much time they’ve been spending together these past few months, and being the sole focus of Victor’s overflowing excitement was sometimes a little too much for Yuuri to bear. Their occasional tiffs meant Victor would disappear for a few hours, which gave Yuuri the space he needed to clear his head, and readjust to having someone who was almost constantly present.

Even so, their latest row seemed different, and felt like a bigger deal than usual. It had been two steps away from an actual shouting match that could have involved slamming doors and angry tears.

It began innocently enough, with Yuuri asking Victor what his specialty used to be, thinking that they would have a better chance of finding out more from St Thomas hospital if they just knew which department Victor belonged to.

But Victor had been uncharacteristically evasive and agitated, his defensiveness causing Yuuri to lose his patience, and certain harsh words were exchanged, ultimately ending with Victor disappearing in a huff, and Yuuri delving into his work with a vengeance.

Now that his shift was nearly over, Yuuri couldn’t help mulling over their outburst, trying to figure out what happened in a calmer frame of mind, even though some of the words still stung a little.

Why had Victor been so reluctant to talk about his time as a doctor?

Yuuri might have been expecting this level of reluctance when it came to actually remembering the traumatic moments leading up to Victor’s death. He couldn’t even imagine how horrifying those memories must be. But he certainly hadn’t expected such evasiveness at this point in their inquiries.

This behaviour was especially odd, considering how keen Victor had been about following Yuuri around the ward and entertaining the patients. He remembered their names, and their conditions, and made a point to ask Yuuri about them if he couldn’t be there. He clearly had a passion for his profession, which contrasted oddly with the heaviness that settled on him whenever they talked about it.

Still, even if they had found out about Victor’s speciality, it probably wouldn’t have gotten them very far. They couldn’t just waltz into St Thomas’ and look up their database of doctors. They didn’t even know Victor’s full name, and popping into all the possible departments asking for Mr Victor was not a plan. Especially since the hospital might have taken Victor off the database, given his current status.

Yuuri was suddenly stirred from his trance, when someone leaned against the counter next to him, and he looked up quickly.

“Why so glum, Yuuri?” asked Guanghong with an innocent smile.

“Sorry, I was miles away,” said Yuuri distractedly.

He was about to descend into small chat, when the sheer innocence of Guanghong’s expression reminded him that Guanghong could be deceptively sly and doggedly resourceful when it came to detective work about his patients. It was possible that he may have some ideas that Yuuri had overlooked.

“Guanghong…” he began hesitantly, “Do you know how I can find more information about a specific doctor in London?”

Guanghong’s smile widened. “Did you lose somebody's number at a conference?”

Yuuri blushed a deep crimson and replied quickly, “No, it's not that. I just need more details about somebody, for...erm...research.”

Guanghong gave him a curious look, but seemed to decide not to push it any further, as he began exploring their possible options.

“It depends on how much detail you need. I assume they're not from this hospital?” Yuuri shook his head, and Guanghong continued, “If you know the hospital they work at, then I could probably put you in touch with someone there? I should know someone.”

Yuuri shrank away from the idea slightly, he would rather not have to trouble a stranger with just half a name, and an unconvincing reason for finding this person.

“Is there a less direct way?” asked Yuuri tentatively, “I only know his first name, so....”

Guanghong’s knowing smile returned, “Old school stalking, I see. Very classy. I hope this person’s worth all this trouble.”

Yuuri gawped uselessly at Guanghong, and then croaked, “It’s really not what you think…”

But Guanghong ignored his weak protests, as he considered the interesting mind-teaser before them, and suggested slowly, “Well… if you don't mind knowing nearly next to nothing, you could try looking them up them on the list of registered doctors? It only gives you their full name and the region they're in. But literally _everyone_ ’s on it, even if their license is revoked or they retire, or even if they die.”

Yuuri frowned slightly, trying to puzzle out what this all-encompassing list was. Then, his mind did a double take. Of course, the list! The General Medical Council kept a searchable list of doctors, mainly for the public to look up their doctors to see if they’re licensed to practice medicine. He remembered having to submit his application to be upgraded from a provisional to a full registration this year.

“Are you sure they keep you on the list even if you die?” Yuuri asked in surprise.

Guanghong nodded sagely, “Pretty sure. As long it’s within the last however many decades. But they’re really slow with updating the list, so it won’t be reflected if it’s a recent death.”  Then, he gave Yuuri a suspicious look, “So...if you’re looking up someone dead, does this mean it’s really for research?”

Yuuri stared blankly at him, then out of sheer panic, he surprised Guanghong with a crushing hug, as he exclaimed, “Thank you so much for your help, Guanghong!” and hurried off before Guanghong could pry any further.

 

✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧

 

Victor hadn't appeared after his chat with Guanghong. Nor the next day. Or the day after that. And so Yuuri held on to the new information, and waited in worried patience.

On the fourth day of Victor’s absence, Yuuri returned to the hospital, despite the fact that it was his day off, and waited in the main cafeteria until lunch time, hoping that Victor would appear. He felt oddly unsettled without Victor’s presence, and this was the longest they’d been apart for months.

It was probably unsurprising that Victor was staying away. Their last encounter hadn’t been pleasant, and Yuuri wasn’t completely innocent.

In their mutual frustration, Yuuri had called Victor irrational for being uncooperative, and Victor’s retort was more hurtful than justified, the words still pricking at his heart like barbed wire.

Nevertheless, at this point, Yuuri just wanted him to appear so that they could talk things through, and find out why Victor had been so affected by his past. Or more truthfully, Yuuri wanted Victor to appear because he missed Victor’s company.

After another hour of waiting, Yuuri went home alone and curled up on his couch with a comfy blanket wrapped around him, trying to take his mind off Victor by indulging in a spot of Skyrim. Phichit sat on the other end of the couch, scrolling through his phone, and occasionally looking up to comment on what Yuuri’s character was doing.

But his attempts to distract himself were unsuccessful, and Phichit soon noticed that his character was wandering aimlessly through one of the cities, barging into random houses and shops to ransack their contents.

“You know you’ve been to this house three times,” remarked Phichit with an unamused expression, “What’s on your mind?”

Yuuri sighed and paused the game.

“Do you think I have no life?” he asked quietly, his eyes still fixed on the controller in his hands.

“What do you mean?” Phichit asked with a frown.

“It was just something Victor said,” replied Yuuri, as he avoided Phichit’s gaze, “He said I was being so pushy because I had no life, and I was playing detective because I had nothing else to do.”

Phichit’s frown deepened, “That’s a bit harsh. Was this when you were fighting?”

Yuuri gave a small nod, and placed the controller on the coffee table. He didn’t know why those words stuck to him like a bur, but they had struck a nerve. Maybe because they were true.

“Don’t take it to heart, Yuuri,” said Phichit in a soothing tone, as he shifted closer to Yuuri on the couch, “You know Victor didn’t mean it. You were both angry.”

“I know,” said Yuuri, “But it doesn’t change the fact that it may be true.”

“Well, if anything, it’s only partially true,” said Phichit with a wry smile, and he wrapped a comforting arm around Yuuri’s shoulder, “You love your work. So, your life is your work. There’s nothing wrong with that. You’re one of the lucky ones.”

Yuuri couldn’t help but chuckle at Phichit’s remark, amused that by being one of the lucky ones, he was perpetually exhausted, overworked and under stress.

“As for the partial truth,” continued Phichit hesitantly, “I mean, helping Victor has given you something other than work in your life… and I’ve never seen you happier. So, I’m just saying it wouldn’t hurt to have a- a...distraction. It can only help you be a better doctor.”

Yuuri looked up at Phichit, and gave him a wry smile, “You're probably right. As usual.”

“I should be a life coach,” replied Phichit smugly. But then a slight crease formed between his brows, and he added in a more serious tone, “Though I wonder what made Victor say those things. He's not usually this rash.”

"I'm not sure,” replied Yuuri with a small shake of his head, “But I wasn't exactly patient with him…”

Yuuri was suddenly awashed with a sense of guilt over snapping at Victor. It was sometimes so easy to forget that Victor did not belong to this world, and couldn't explain half the things he was feeling because his past was a blurred mess. They didn't even know his full name, or where he lived, or what his dog was called. He probably had a good reason to be evasive, but couldn't articulate it properly, and Yuuri should have been so much more understanding, even after Victor had lashed out at him.

Yuuri tried to suppress the strong urge of wanting to see Victor again and to apologise, but there was nothing he could do to hasten Victor's reappearance, except to wait patiently. Although...there was one thing he could do. 

Yuuri rested his chin on his hand, as he wondered aloud, “Do you think Victor would mind if I looked him up on the list without him?”

Phichit glanced up from his phone, “Probably not. It's a public list anyway. Anyone can find him on it. You gonna look him up now?”

Yuuri nodded his head slightly, and stood up from the couch, stretching a little before heading to his bedroom.

He wanted a peace offering to surprise Victor when he reappeared, and finding out Victor’s full name might just be the ticket to cheer him up. 

When he had loaded the search window for the list of registered doctors, his hand hovered over his laptop in a brief moment of hesitation, before he quickly typed the name “Victor” in the search box, and ticked the option below that said “name sounds like” just to be sure.

When the results were loaded, he realized they'd hit another snag, and his peace offering wouldn't be as straightforward as he'd like.

There were 739 Victors, or various variations of the name, who were registered doctors in the country.

 

✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧

 

It was nearly a week before Victor appeared again. And for the first time, his presence was not welcomed.

It was the dead of night, and Yuuri had stumbled into the doctor’s office, his whole body shaking from exhaustion and distress. He just wanted to shut out the world and be alone, to deal in solitude with the part of his work that he hated the most.

But Victor had appeared as soon as he shut the door, and his presence only added to the turmoil that Yuuri was feeling, churning up his contant worry over Victor’s long absence.

Yuuri’s head remained bowed, and he covered his face with his hands, trying not to let his tears surface. He wanted to be alone. He didn't want anyone around to see him like this. And he didn't want to deal with Victor just yet.

“Yuuri, is something the matter?” asked Victor gently.

“I'm fine,” he muttered, blurting out his automatic response.

“You don't look fine, Yuuri,” Victor pressed on, “Please tell me what it is.”

“I said I'm fine. Just leave me alone,” retorted Yuuri, more sharply than he intended, and he looked away in guilt from the slight look of hurt on Victor’s face. He wanted to shove Victor away, but he couldn't.

“I'm sorry,” said Victor in earnest, “I shouldn’t have stayed away for so long. Please just tell me what happened. I only want to help.”

Yuuri kept his eyes averted, confused by the mess of emotions he was feeling. Why did Victor have to return today of all days? Or did he come because Yuuri was upset?

“Was it one of your patients?” urged Victor.

Yuuri gave a curt nod, unable to speak.

“Was it Susie?” asked Victor gently.

Before he knew it, Yuuri felt tears rolling down his cheek as he nodded his head again.

He's had patients die on him before. But not one he’d been so close to.

“She was three years old,” said Yuuri in a strained voice, wrestling back his tears, “Her mother couldn’t make it in time.”

“It was a congenital condition, Yuuri” said Victor calmly, “There was nothing more that you could have done.”

“I know,” replied Yuuri, angrily wiping his tears away. “I know it's stupid. I know it’s not my fault. But we could have done something. Maybe kept her alive a few more hours until her family could be there with her. But it all happened so fast. We shouldn't have told her mother it was fine to go home. We should have kept here here. We-”

Yuuri choked on the words, unable to stem the flow of tears, as an awful emotion tightened like a vise around his heart, clawing at him. He didn’t know what it was, and so his mind supplied an answer. Guilt. He replayed the last few hours, trying to pinpoint what went wrong, trying to find the evidence he needed to neutralize this dreaded feeling that it had been his fault after all, that there was something he could have done.

The heavy weight continued to press on his chest, his stifled breath coming in short pants, “I know it’s not my fault, but I can’t help feeling that it is, and I feel terrible about it.”

“Yuuri,” Victor began softly, “I don’t think this is about whose fault it is. You have done everything you should and now you feel bad that you weren’t able to help. It’s only natural.”

Victor closed the distance between them and wrapped his arm around Yuuri.

“Don’t fight it. Just feel bad. You’re allowed to feel bad.”

It was as if those words opened a valve, and the tears began falling freely.  Yuuri curled himself into a ball, and hugged his knees close to himself, his body shaking with large wracking sobs. Victor’s ghostly form remained around him, and it almost felt like he could feel the comforting weight of Victor’s arm.

When Yuuri’s tears had slowly died down, Victor asked softly, “When does her mother get here?”

“Very soon,” replied Yuuri in cracked voice, “What do you think she’ll ask us?”

“Probably how it happened,” said Victor gravely, “And why it happened…”

Yuuri closed his eyes, he’d thought as much, and tried to steel his nerves for the upcoming onslaught of questions. In past cases, he’d usually avoided being there in the aftermath, but he couldn’t run away this time. He had been involved in every step of the way, right until the very last moment. He had to be there for the grieving mother, and give her as much detail as she needed to cope with the death for her daughter.

But before Yuuri could attempt to stand up, Victor moved to face Yuuri, his gaze intense, as if he had read Yuuri’s mind. “Don’t worry too much about what she’ll say. Chances are she’ll thank you for being there with Susie until the very end.”

Victor’s words were completely unexpected, and Yuuri looked at him in a mixture of doubt and surprise, “How- Why would she?”

“Because the parents always do, even when you feel like you don’t deserve it,” said Victor quietly, and a sad smile formed on his lips, as he added, “My specialty was congenital heart disease in children, so I’ve been in your shoes many, many times. Maybe one time too many.”

“Was that why you didn’t want to talk about your past?” asked Yuuri carefully.

“Maybe,” replied Victor, “I just feel...so tired when I think about it. Like I want to sleep and never wake up.”

The fatigue on Victor’s face made Yuuri’s heart ache slightly, and he wanted to reach forward to caress the translucent skin, to wipe away the heavy sadness.

“I’m sorry I pushed you,” said Yuuri in a guilty voice.

“And I’m sorry I lashed out at you,” said Victor, lifting his eyes to meet Yuuri’s, “I suspect I was very unhappy with my work towards the end. And I shouldn’t have projected it on you. Not when all you've done is to help me.”

“No, you were partially right about me. I do need a life beyond these walls,” admitted Yuuri with a sheepish grin, and he added, “And I know I might be a little too involved, but I hope you don’t mind that my life currently revolves around yours.”

A rare blush appeared on Victor’s face, and he quickly looked away, but there was a secret smile on his face as he said, “No, I don’t mind it at all. I quite like it actually.”

Yuuri felt a hot flush spreading across his cheeks towards his ears, as he realized what he’d just said, which essentially boiled down to declaring that Victor was now the center of his universe. He pressed his lips together in embarrassment and cleared his throat awkwardly, desperately trying to think of something else to talk about.

“Erm… So...” he began at random, his finger picking at a loose thread on his sleeve, “Oh yes, I’ve made some progress while you were gone. I mean, with finding out about who you are. So, when we go home later, I mean, when _I_ go home and you follow me back, we can start searching…”

“Yuuri.”

“Or we can look at it now on my phone. I have it saved here somewhere, and-”

“Yuuri,” Victor cut him off gently, “You’re rambling.” Yuuri looked up and caught an amused glint in Victor’s eyes. “We’ll have plenty of time after your shift.”

But Victor’s amusement morphed into seriousness, and he stated gravely, “First, you have to deal with your patients.”

His patients.

Suddenly the lightness of the moment evaporated, and Yuuri tumbled back to reality, his partial reprieve vanishing with Victor’s reminder.

He still had to face Susie’s family, and explain everything that had ensued with as much clinical detachment as he could muster. He needed to fight back the tears that even now threatened to surface. He was her doctor. He needed to stay calm and rational, to give the family an illusion of stability amidst the storm they were about to face.

Yuuri closed his eyes to take a deep breath, and when he opened them again, he looked straight into the captivating blue-green eyes framed by silver lashes, accompanied by the heart-shaped smile that now filled his days and pervaded his dreams.

“Will you be there with me?” he asked, his voice cracking slightly.

“Of course,” replied Victor with a small smile on his lips.

Somehow, in the simple, gentle response, Yuuri found the strength to pick himself from the floor, and open the door to face the grief of those who had been left behind.

 

✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧

 

“Yuuuuri,” whined Victor at the foot of his bed. He was lying on his back and staring at the ceiling, clearly bored out of his mind. Yuuri glanced up from his search on the laptop.

“Do you have to do that now?” asked Victor, sitting up abruptly, “We should do something else.”

“Do you want to know who you are?” retorted Yuuri in a chiding tone.

“You can continue searching when I’m not around,” replied Victor, now hovering above his head and peeping at the laptop screen.

Yuuri let out a helpless laugh. Like that was possible.

Victor was now a permanent fixture in his life. There was never a moment when he was out of sight, and Yuuri had resigned himself to having a constant companion wherever he went, whatever he did, whoever he talked to. Though he drew a strict line at Victor following him into the bathroom.

“In that case, it means we’ll never find out who you are,” said Yuuri with an affectionate laugh, and he snapped his laptop shut to pay some attention to Victor. They’d probably made sufficient progress today.

With Victor’s speciality in mind, Yuuri had hoped that they could look up the specific departments at St Thomas’ to see if there were any Victors listed on their website. Sadly, their search hadn’t turned up anything, and they had no choice but to return to the mammoth list of 739 Victors to labour through.

After excluding everyone who was much too old or not in the Greater London area, which was quite a substantial task in itself, they were still left with 147 Victors. And Yuuri had been searching each name individually online, hoping that they would find a profile or a photo that matched the figure now settled comfortably next to him on the bed.

Turns out, not everyone had Facebook. And Yuuri had to trawl the web, and resort to other sites like Instagram, Twitter, LinkedIn and Google+, even Tumblr when he was desperate. Their progress had been excruciatingly slow, which wasn’t helped by Victor’s attempts to distract Yuuri every chance he got, as he constantly came up with new ideas that filled nearly all of Yuuri’s free time.

But since Yuuri’s rotation in the pediatrics department was coming to an end, and he would be able to take one week off at least, they should be making slightly more progress next week.

Only 35 down so far, and 112 more to go.

Although, Yuuri had to admit that he was partially to blame for the slow progress. He was the one who always caved in to Victor’s persistent pleas, and allowed himself to be dragged along to whatever Victor wanted to do.

On the surface, his excuse was because he was a soft-hearted fool who couldn’t resist Victor’s charm.

Though in secret, it was because he didn’t know what would happen when Victor found out who he was. He couldn’t help feeling that once this secret was unraveled, everything else would quickly follow, and a selfish part of him didn’t want to lose Victor.

Yuuri tossed aside the list and asked with a warm smile, “What do you want to do, Victor?”

Victor’s eyes lit up with excitement as he exclaimed, “We could go to a gin bar, and I could watch you drink?”

“Victor,” sighed Yuuri dramatically, “I’m not going to do that again.”

The last time they did, he had a hell of a time pretending he was a lone wolf looking for a solitary drink. Which was entirely out of place in a hip and trendy bar, with electro music, and strangers hitting on him every two minutes, while Victor made snide remarks about the patrons.

“We could…have another gaming party with Leo and Guanghong, and I can mess with the TV again,” suggested Victor with an innocent smile.

A loud laugh escaped Yuuri’s lips. This was quickly becoming one of his and Phichit’s favourite past times, especially when they played Call of Duty as a team against the other two. They found out that Victor could mess with the TV whenever he stood right next to it, which meant he could turn the tide against Leo and Guanghong at crucial, hair-pulling, devilishly frustrating moments.

“As much as I want to, Victor,” said Yuuri with a grin, “Phichit has to be here for that. Or they’ll start getting suspicious when I keep winning on my own.”

Victor flopped back onto the bed in a dejected huff, mulling over what else they could do, while grumbling about Phichit taking two weeks off to fly home to Thailand. Yuuri had no idea how Phichit managed to double his allotted time-off at the end of their rotation, but it was certainly not feasible to drag him back just to play a prank on Leo and Guanghong.

Suddenly, Victor sat up beside him and exclaimed, “Oh, oh! We could watch a movie. I heard Dunkirk’s really good. You won’t even have to buy me a ticket.”

Yuuri laughed, “Sure, I’ll see what times it’s on.”

Yuuri flipped open his laptop again and waited for it to come to life, as Victor floated happily off the bed in excitement.

As he waited, his gaze fell back to the list beside him, and he felt a pang of guilt for delaying their search yet again.

He would look up one more name, he decided, and that should hold back his guilt for this evening.

He scanned through the names, and located the next one.

“Vi-K-tor Ni-” he muttered under his breath as he copied the name into the Google search bar. Then, he added London, and pressed enter.

Thankfully, a Facebook link popped up and he clicked on it.

This should be quick, he thought to himself, and was about to open another tab to search for movie times.

But when the Facebook page loaded on his screen, his hand froze and his eyes widened in shock. The page was filled with photos of the familiar sheen of silver blond hair, partially falling over serious blue-green eyes that looked back at him with the same lifeless expression he had when Yuuri first met him.

Yuuri looked up from his laptop, and gazed directly at Victor, who was sitting cross-legged before him with an expectant smile.

“Victor,” he said in a breathless voice, “I think I’ve found you.”

 

✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧

 

They sat side by side on the bed, scrolling carefully through the Facebook page of Viktor Nikiforov.

Yuuri clicked on Victor’s work information. And nearly everything they needed to know appeared.

Viktor Nikiforov. Junior doctor and specialty training in pediatric congenital heart disease at St Thomas’ Hospital. Recently qualified as a consultant after only four years of specialty training, at 28 years old. His last activity was four months ago, around the time when Victor had first appeared. Then, everything stopped.

They moved on to looking at his recent photos. Those were mostly of him in suits, at conferences, giving talks, receiving awards, or in the hospital, busy with work. Occasionally, there would be a few of him on nights out, or at gatherings. But there was always a strained smile that stretched across his face, which never reached his lifeless eyes.

It was a face so far removed from the carefree excitement that Yuuri was used to, or the heart-shaped smiles that was giddy with sheer happiness, or the twinkling blue eyes that shone with life. It was nothing like the Victor that Yuuri knew.

“I look so sad,” remarked Victor after a while.

Yuuri nodded in agreement, equally distressed. Victor didn’t look happy, not even in a single one of the photos.

“I guess…” began Victor slowly, “I was truly unhappy with my life, and my work. I suppose my life was my work so…”

Yuuri glanced at Viktor and asked tentatively, “Do you remember why you felt this way?”

Viktor gave him a pensive look and eventually said in a heavy voice, “I think… I'd lost sight of why I was doing all of it. Any of it. I was so burnt out...so tired. I barely felt anything. It was like I kept giving and giving, and in the end there was nothing left.”

“Maybe that's why I couldn't remember anything about my work,” said Victor with a sad smile, “Or...I didn’t want to.”

Yuuri gazed silently at the dejection that shadowed Victor’s face, desperately wishing that he could take Victor’s hand, or give him a hug, or do anything to erase that tired look.

“But you must still find some joy in it,” said Yuuri gently, “You really like going around the ward with me. And playing with the patients. Or comforting them.”

Victor gazed at him with a slight twinkle in his eyes, “I do. I really do. I really like seeing how passionate you are, and how committed you are. And how much you cared. I think it was how I used to feel when I first started. Before I forgot how that felt.”

Yuuri sneaked another glance at Victor, whose head was now hung low in silent thoughts, his hair falling to cover his face, and Yuuri decided to give him some space.

Instead, he shifted his attention back to the Facebook page and clicked on an album that was named Makkachin. Then, he smiled.

Finally, the familiar lightness that Victor carried with him reappeared in the photos. Not in all of them, but in most. And it became clear that Makkachin was the large brown poodle that appeared in every frame.

Victor lifted his head eventually, and a smile began playing across his lips when he saw the multitude of photos that paraded across the screen.

After a few dozen photos, Yuuri pointed out one of the selfies that had been taken in a stylish, spacious apartment, with Makkachin leaping at the camera while a laughing Victor tried to hold him back.

“Is that your dog?” he asked with a grin.

“Yes,” Victor beamed brightly, and leaned closer to the screen. “That’s Makkachin. I miss him so much.”

As Victor cooed over the sight of Makkachin, Yuuri noticed a man with brown hair and yellow highlights, who was sitting on the couch in the background, smiling fondly at Victor.

“Then, this could be your housemate,” said Yuuri, pointing to the person.

Victor nodded his head quickly, “Chris! I can't believe I forgot about him. Yes, that’s my housemate.”

Yuuri hovered over the tagged image. The name ‘Chris Giacometti’ appeared and he clicked on the link beside the photo.

Chris seemed a little more wary with his profile, because most of his information was not publically available.

It seems that they have arrived at the final hurdle of their adventures. All that was left to do was to find out who Victor wanted to meet, and why he had come to Yuuri in the first place. Finding out how Victor had died would be the obvious next step, and Chris would most probably be the right person to ask.

Yuuri hovered over the message button, suddenly reluctant to click it. In any other circumstance, Yuuri would have chosen virtual contact over actual contact without question.

But he was a slightly unsure about approaching Chris directly on Facebook. The kinds of questions he would be asking would be extremely odd, and he stood a higher chance of not being taken as a nutcase if they spoke face-to-face.

“Victor,” started Yuuri hesitantly, “Does Chris work at the same place you do?”

Victor considered this a while, and said slowly, “I don’t think so… I think we used to, but not anymore, because I remember feeling sad about it…”

Yuuri gave a small sigh of resignation. There goes his plan of staking out at St Thomas’ until he found Chris. Then, his eyes fell on the ‘Friends’ tab on Chris’ profile, and realized, to his surprise, that they had three mutuals.

He quickly clicked on the tab to see who they were. It would be even better if someone could introduce them, and vouch for his sanity beforehand.

He cringed slightly at the first name: Georgi Popovich.

“Hey, you know Georgi!” exclaimed Victor, “He was in our batch. Maybe he’ll know where Chris is now.”

“But he’s nearly a consultant, Victor,” Yuuri said in distress, “I can’t approach him about this, and I don’t know him that well.”

He quickly moved on to the next person, and the sight of her name gave him hope.

“Sara!” exclaimed Yuuri in relief, “I can ask her instead. I’ll ask her tomorrow.”

Yuuri turned to give Victor a wide grin, glad that they were one step closer. But Viktor was staring mutely at the screen with a peculiar expression on his face.

“You know, I just realized,” he said softly, “I may need to leave once we talk to Chris.” His gaze fell wistfully on Yuuri, “I’ve been having so much fun. I don’t think I want to leave.”

Yuuri pushed back the lump forming in his throat, and struggled over whether to tell Victor just how much he wished this wouldn’t end, or how happy he was just by being around Victor.

But it wasn’t over yet, and they still had time.

“Should we see if Dunkirk has a late showing today?” asked Yuuri instead, and smiled when he saw the glint of excitement reignited.

 

✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧

  


Yuuri tried to steel his nerves. It was just one simple, though slightly odd, favor to ask.

God, he wished Phichit was around so he could do all the talking. Victor was no help at all in such situations, but was a liability known to cause more hazards, which was why he had been banned from tagging along and was now waving cheerfully at Yuuri from five feet away.

Sara was chewing the end of her pen as she studied a case file intently, tapping her foot lightly on the ground.

Yuuri approached her tentatively, “Uhm...excuse me, Sara? You have a minute?”

She looked up from the file, and smiled brightly as she greeted, “Oh, Hey, Yuuri. What’s up?”

“Uhm...do you know Chris Giacometti?” asked Yuuri

“Yeah, sure,” Sara replied, “We hang out sometimes. Do you know him too?”

“Not exactly,” said Yuuri hesitantly, “I was just wondering whether you would mind..introducing us?”

Her cheerful expression slowly morphed into a sly, knowing grin, “Any particular reason you’re asking?”

Then, Yuuri suddenly realized what this looked like.

“Ah! Not really,” he replied in a panic, “I mean, yes, there’s a reason. I have to ask him a question, but-”

His voice died in his throat when Sara’s grin widened, and she whipped out her phone and began typing. Yuuri could only look on helplessly as her fingers flew across the screen.

She had a smug look on her face when she finished. “I may have asked _the question_ for you. And I’ve also sent him a photo of you. We’ll see if he says yes.”

Yuuri stared at her in mute horror. Oh my god, he hadn’t expected things to take this turn at all. He was completely and utterly unprepared for any of this.

“How do you know about Chris anyway?” she asked, as she set the phone down on the counter to wait for Chris’ reply.

“Erm… I’ve… seen him around,” replied Yuuri lamely, “At conferences…”

“That’s how we met too,” piped Sara, “He’s at _all_ of the conferences. I think you’ll like him. He’s really sweet.”

Just then, Sara’s phone beeped, and she glanced down at it.

“Yes!” she exclaimed with a triumphant smile, “He wants to meet you. I’ve told him you’re free this evening. You are, aren’t you?”

Yuuri nodded speechlessly, not knowing what else he could say, now that they’d gotten this far.

“He’s a GP, so he’ll be done by five-ish, six,” she said distractedly, still looking at her phone, “Oh, he says to meet him at half six, at this cafe we always go to.” Sara beamed at him. “It’s a great place. You’ll love it. I’ll send you the address now.”

When the address was safely received, and Chris’ number stored on his phone, there was nothing else Yuuri could do but to thank Sara numbly, amidst her squeals of “I am so excited for you! Why did Phichit say it was difficult to set you up with someone? This was so easy. You have to tell me what happens.”

When she was finally called away by one of the nurses, Yuuri tried to walk away without falling over.

After taking a few steps, Victor hurried over to him. “What did Sara say?”

Yuuri ignored him, and pressed the heel of his hands into eyes, trying to contain his inner cringing, “Oh my god, oh my god,” he muttered under his breath.

“What happened?” asked Victor with concern.

“I’m not sure a hundred percent sure,” mumbled Yuuri, on the verge of combusting in humiliation, “But I think Sara just set me up on a date with Chris.”

His distress was not helped but Victor’s loud guffaws next to his ears.

 

✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧

 

They came to a stop before the cafe, and Yuuri eyed it suspiciously, because it appeared to be more like a restaurant, and it seems their supposed coffee date was now a dinner date.

A sudden laugh escaped Victor’s lips when he saw the building, and he said in amusement, “I remember this place. Chris used to bring all his dates here.”

Yuuri approached the doors of the cafe slowly, taking in the large airy space that was enclosed by tall glass panels. The sleek, transparent walls and chic light fittings overhead contrasted jarringly with the rustic wooden floor and the heavy chestnut tables that lined the space. Yuuri stared hesitantly at the sea of wine glasses that were set out on the tables, amidst a handful of early diners, overwhelmed by the prospect of confronting a stranger who thinks he’s here for a possible date

He spotted Chris easily at one of the tables, leaning his chin casually on one hand, and holding a wine glass in the other. He was wearing a simple black top with a white collar, his grey coat draped over the chair next to him, his eyes framed by round glasses that had been absent in his photos.

Yuuri tugged nervously at his T-shirt, which he’d adorned with a plain green cardigan. He’d spent an hour deciding what to wear. It couldn’t be too fancy, or Chris would definitely get the wrong idea. But it couldn’t be too scruffy either, in case Chris got offended.

Yuuri squeezed his hands together nervously, and approached the table, trying to ignore Victor’s silent sniggering beside him.

Chris stood up immediately and crooned in a seductive, “You must be Yuuri.”

Yuuri stared blankly at him, his mouth hanging half-open. This was completely beyond anything he’d ever have to do, there was just no past experience he could draw from. Victor’s breathless laughter was not helping, and Yuuri wished he could give him a kick in the shins.

Yuuri cast a furious sideways glare at Viktor, imploring him to help.

“Sorry, sorry,” gasped Victor, “This is just too funny. OK, Ok, I'm fine now. just say this to him. The scarab and the aardvark-” he paused and gave Yuuri an expectant look to repeat after him.

“The-erm… Scarab… and the _aardvark_?” Yuuri stammered.

“Had tea in the scented room,” Victor finished with a triumphant grin.

“The scarab and the aardvark had tea in the scented room…?” Yuuri repeated the words with a stricken look on his face, and then looked back at Chris in dismay, certain that they’d ruined their chances of convincing Chris he was sane.

He fully expected Chris to gather his coat and run away, which was understandable since a complete stranger had essentially asked him out and then spouted a string of nonsense to his face. Yuuri began to back away to show he meant no harm, and was not crazy.

Instead, to his great surprise, Chris’ eyes were as wide as saucers, and his face was as white as a sheet, as if he’d seen a ghost.

His gaze was darting wildly around Yuuri, and he uttered in a thin, shaky voice, “Victor?”

Yuuri took a sharp breath of surprise, as Victor exclaimed loudly beside him, “YES! It worked!”

“Is he- is he...with you?” asked Chris in utter disbelief, “Did he tell you to say that?”

Yuuri’s mind was still reeling with shock, and he nodded slowly as he suggested in a low voice, “I think...we should talk about this somewhere private.”

Without a second thought, Chris removed his coat from the chair, and said, “Let me get the bill.”

 

✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come chat on tumblr! [Weberina](http://weberina.tumblr.com/) & [Nothingtea](http://nothingtea.tumblr.com/)  
> Link to art [here](http://nothingtea.tumblr.com/post/170719107168/there-was-a-silence-that-seemed-to-ring-in-his).


	4. Why Are You Here?

✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧

 

The low rumble of the kettle filled the air, soon accompanied by a small click, and the contents were quickly emptied into two waiting mugs, one with a chipped handle, the other with a picture of a poodle.

Chris still seemed too stricken to speak, his eyes occasionally darting around the room, as if to check if he could see Victor. He only surfaced from his trance to ask if Yuuri wanted milk or sugar with his tea.

They'd gone straight to Chris’ place as soon as they left the café. Chris hadn't even stopped to question whether Yuuri’s claims were true.

As Chris hunted for biscuits in the cupboards, Yuuri stole furtive glances around the spacious open-plan apartment, admiring its high ceiling and tall Victorian windows that must bathe the space with light in the day. The elegance was softened by light touches of cosiness, like the fluffy carpet in the living room, or the large well-worn dog bed next to the couch. It was a far cry from the shabby rental flat with its haphazard furniture that he and Phichit shared.

Chris silently handed him a mug of tea, and they sat down at the dining table, a small plate of custard creams placed between them. He seemed to calm down a little as he slowly sipped his tea, his glasses foggy from the steam.

Yuuri followed suit, as he waited patiently for Chris to speak, and eyed the small mountain of biscuits, wondering whether it'd be rude to take one without invitation.

Just as Yuuri was about reach for a biscuit, Chris broke the silence. “Where is Victor?”

Yuuri immediately looked around to check, and a small smile formed on his lips.

Victor was sitting on the floor in the living room, chatting softly to Makkachin, while the large brown poodle looked at him with wide confused eyes, perhaps trying to figure out why his master didn't smell of anything or wasn't petting him.

“He’s still with Makkachin,” replied Yuuri.

“Figures,” said Chris with a snort, as he reached over for a custard cream, and pushed the plate towards Yuuri. “Wouldn’t put it past him to be more interested in the dog than talking to me.”

Makkachin had barked manically and tried to jump on Victor the moment Chris opened the door, and Victor had been ecstatic that Makkachin could see him. If nothing else, Makkachin’s reaction served as a further confirmation to Chris that Yuuri hadn’t been lying.

“How did you know about Victor?” asked Yuuri in curious tone, biting into a custard cream and trying not to scatter the crumbs on the pristine floor.

Chris gave a helpless chuckle, and shook his head. “It was a stupid code phrase we had. We came up with it for fun, in case one of us died and came back as a ghost. It’s from Jonathan Creek, you know the detective-magician show on BBC?”

“I’ve seen a few of episodes,” replied Yuuri with a smile. He quite liked the TV series. It was about a guy who designed magic tricks for a magician, but who got roped into solving seemingly impossible crimes by a journalist due to his ‘lateral thinking’ abilities.

“There was one episode where a couple decided on a random code word they’d use as proof, in case one of them came back as a ghost,” continued Chris between bites, “And then the man dies, but the woman was tricked by Jonathan Creek into thinking he'd returned as a ghost. We reckoned it was because they only agreed on one word, so we thought we’d use a whole sentence. To make it foolproof.” Chris gave him a crooked grin, “I suppose, it worked.”

Yuuri laughed and turned back towards Victor, whose attention hadn’t wavered from his precious poodle the entire time. Even so, Yuuri could catch the small furtive glances that Victor gave them, a hint that he had been listening to their conversation the whole time.

Yuuri had been careful to keep his distance, sensing that Victor needed some space. He knew something wasn’t right when Victor had been as silent as Chris the entire way to the apartment, and remained impassive to his old bachelor pad, even though every trinket and ornament in the apartment should have triggered a deluge of memories.

Instead, he had made a beeline for Makkachin, and Yuuri knew that Victor was hiding from the purpose of their visit. In a way, Yuuri was glad of the distraction that Makkachin was providing, like a sanctuary of innocent joy in the face of reliving the last moments of his life.

But they’d made it this far, and Yuuri had to move them forward, no matter how reluctant he was. They both knew that Victor couldn’t keep staying on as a spirit in this world. He was completely isolated from everyone and everything, with no life apart from his tenuous link with Yuuri. It wasn’t right to keep him here, even though finding each other had been the most precious thing that Yuuri had ever experienced.

Yuuri clutched his mug of tea, and said in a low voice, “The reason we wanted to speak to you is to find out how Victor died. We thought it might help us figure out why he came to me.” Then, he added in a hesitant voice, “And also...how we can help him move on.”

Chris gave a solemn nod. “I see,” he said slowly, “I can certainly tell you what happened, but I'm not sure how helpful I can be for the second request. What was he doing when you first saw him?”

Yuuri couldn’t help but smile at the memory of his first encounter with Victor, and how absolutely terrified he had been, which now seems laughable, since Victor couldn’t possibly scare anyone even if he tried. “He appeared in the office where I nap during my night shifts.”

“Urgh, thank god I don’t have _those_ anymore,” interrupted Chris with a groan.

Yuuri gave him a sympathetic smile, and carried on, “He was sitting at one of the desks, and holding a phone in one hand, and just kept tapping it on the desk. When I spoke to him, he stood up and then said he had to meet someone, somewhere.”

Chris nodded his head with a heavy sigh.

“That was exactly what happened before-,” Chris bit back the words, and looked away quickly. “Anyway, he was sitting right here at this table, and thinking about something. He wouldn’t tell me what it was, but I knew he was brooding because he was tapping that damned phone on the table. For ages.”

Chris let out a nostalgic laugh, “He always did that when he was brooding. Just tap-tap-tap until he decides what to do. It used to drive me nuts. When I finally asked him what was up, he looked at me like he’d forgotten I was there. Then…” Chris hesitated, as if trying to tease out what he remembered that day, “Then, it seemed like he’d decided to do something, because he just stood up, said he was going to meet someone. I think, he said he had a question to ask the person, then he just left the apartment.”

“Did he say who he was going to meet? Or what the question was?” urged Yuuri gently, his heart beating faster at coming so close to their goal.

Chris frowned slightly as he shook his head, “He didn’t say anything. Which was really odd for him, because he usually tells me everything. I just assumed he was thinking about a difficult case, and was headed back to the hospital, maybe to ask a patient or another doctor about something. But the accident happened in the opposite direction, and...”

His voice trailed off, as dark lines of sadness appeared on his face.

”Before I knew it, I received a call from St Thomas’. I was his emergency contact, you see. Since his family lives so far away. The hospital said he was hit by a cyclist, and he probably wouldn’t make it. I rushed there as soon as I could, but I didn't get there in time...and I didn’t get to say goodbye.”

He paused briefly, and Yuuri turned towards Victor, only to find that Victor had stopped playing with Makkachin, and was looking at them with a serious expression.

Chris followed Yuuri’s gaze, and spoke directly to Victor for the first time.

“I haven’t stopped thinking about that evening. Whatever you were brooding over, I feel like I should have dragged it out of you. And maybe...things would have been different. Maybe you wouldn’t have gone. Or maybe you wouldn’t have been so distracted.” Chris sighed heavily, and added, “I don’t even know where you were trying to get to, or who you were trying to meet.”

Victor took a few more steps towards them, and said in a tired voice, “I don’t remember either.”

“He doesn’t know,” Yuuri repeated quietly.

But Chris’ calm exterior suddenly cracked and he sank back heavily into his chair. His head was bowed, and his eyes were closed, with two fingers pinching the bridge of his nose, as if to stem the flow of tears that was threatening to surface. As if he had just managed to move on with his life, but Victor’s return had brought everything back again.

Victor looked on helplessly, unable to reach out and comfort his friend in words or in any physical acknowledgement of his presence. Yuuri immediately understood Victor’s distress and reached over to squeeze Chris’ hand, offering any support he could.

After a while, Chris seemed to recompose himself, and he looked up at Yuuri, a wry smile replacing the tense lines of sadness.

“I tell you what did survive though. That bloody phone. It’s still in his room.” Then, he hesitated slightly as he said, “Is he ready to see his room?”

Yuuri cast a glance at Victor, who nodded resolutely, and Yuuri replied, “Yeah, he is.”

They headed down the short hallway, where Chris pushed opened the second bedroom, and switched on the lights.

There was a slight staleness in the air, characteristic of a room that hadn’t been lived in for a while. Soft light streamed from a simple mahogany chandelier, illuminating a simple, cosy room that resonated with the lightness and giddy joy that Victor carried with him.

Directly ahead of them was an impressive desk and two tall bookcases that were filled from top to bottom with rows and rows of heavy books and folders, covering every medical field that they could think of.

The far end of the room was dominated by a large bed that was set within an alcove, surrounded by bay windows that let in the dim lights of the city, as though Victor wanted to be as close to the stars as he could when he slept.

They lingered at the doorway. Yuuri kept a close eye on Victor, ready to withdraw at any sign of distress.

He followed silently as Victor took a few tentative steps into his old room, glancing at the unintrusive paintings on the wall, and the photos of Makkachin and his family on the mantelpiece of an old fireplace. He had an unreadable expression on his face, and Yuuri couldn’t guess what was going through his mind. Then, he came to stop right in the middle of the room and gave a last sweeping glance, before saying, “Huh, nothing’s changed.”

Yuuri suddenly realized that the elegant room was covered in a thin layer of dust, indicating that everything had been untouched for months. He turned to Chris and asked curiously, “Why is everything still here?”

“Well… his parents came and took a few things,” explained Chris, “And I offered to deal with the rest. They were so distraught that I didn’t think they could cope with clearing out the room.” Then Chris gave him a sheepish grin, “But I haven't had much luck with it either.” He walked towards the desk, and opened the top drawer to fish out a black Samsung phone.

Victor’s face lit up, as he exclaimed, “My phone!”

Chris switched it on and unlocked it before handing it to Yuuri.

“I’ve looked through it a bit. Whatsapp and Facebook messages, a few recent emails. Just to figure out what he was thinking before he left. No luck though.” Then, he said to the room at large, “Sorry for snooping, Victor.”

“I would’ve done the much worse,” replied Victor with a smile, and Yuuri repeated his words.

Chris chuckled at Victor’s remark, and was about to respond, but before the words could form, his expression suddenly became solemn again, and his voice was almost curt as he said to Yuuri, “I’ll give you a key to the apartment. I think it would help if you had access to Victor’s room. In case you come up with anything else.”

He quickly left the room without a second glance, as if he wanted to escape. Yuuri gave Victor a questioning look, wondering what had come over Chris, who seemed to alternate between happiness and distress. But Victor only shook his head slightly, and remarked, “Don’t think too much of it. He’s always a bit cranky when he’s upset.”

They remained in the room for a while longer, with Victor directing Yuuri to rummage through his things to retrieve different books or objects from the shelves for him to observe. Each of them bringing back a flood of memories that Victor recounted with gusto. But none of which gave any hints about his thoughts in the last few minutes before he left the apartment.

When Victor began to tire and was ready to leave, Yuuri realised that Chris hadn’t returned to the room, and they ventured out again to find him. Chris was sitting on the couch, scratching Makkachin's head with one hand, and holding a bunch of keys in the other. He seemed lost in thought, and when Makkachin shifted under his hand, he lifted his head to gaze at Yuuri, his eyes distant and unfocused, as though he was wondering what Yuuri was doing there. Then, he exhaled loudly and snapped out of his trance, as he handed the keys to Yuuri.

“Just make sure you message me if you plan to drop by.”

Yuuri nodded, and accepted the keys gratefully, “Thank you for your help, Chris.”

Sensing that Chris wanted to be alone, Yuuri made his way out of the apartment, with Victor following closely behind him, and was about to shut the door, when Chris’ hand suddenly held it open.

“Victor,” he called out earnestly, looking at a point in space where he guessed Victor would be.

“I really miss having you around,” he said with a melancholy smile.

Victor stepped quickly towards Chris, his arm reaching out involuntarily. “Me too,” he said in shaky voice.

But before Yuuri pass on his words, Chris had shut the door gently, and Victor faced the smooth surface of the wood, his words unheard, a look of complete isolation on his face, as he let his arm fall beside him, with his head hung low.

Yuuri stood in the hallway beside him, desperately aware of how lonely Victor felt at this moment in time, and it made him realise fully that even if a selfish part of him wanted Victor to stay, they had to keep moving forward. Because, there was no longer a life that Victor could return to.

 

✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧

 

Yuuri looked up at the steep winding path ahead of him, sweat dripping down his face and the straps of his backpack digging into his shoulder, and he wondered how many mistakes he’d made to end up spending his week off here.

Here, being the small town of Castleton in the heart of the stormy Peak District, which had taken the best part of the day to reach via the _amazing_ British public transport system. Now, he was faced with at least an hour’s walk to the campsite up in Rowter’s Farm.

That in itself would have been easily manageable, if not for the fact that both he and Victor had conveniently forgotten that the Peak District was made up of many mountains, and the road to the farm was a steep hike the entire way. Or the fact that Yuuri would have to carry his accommodation and all his supplies on his back.

“Why did I let you talk me into this?” grumbled Yuuri, as he re-adjusted his backpack and began the long trudge up into the mountains once again.

“But Yuuri,” exclaimed Victor in excitement, throwing his arms in the air, “Look at this! Look around you!”

Yuuri complied with a chuckle, amused by Victor’s sheer joy, and lifted his head to marvel at their surroundings, the sights never growing old.

As he walked, he drank in the lush green slopes that towered above them, dotted with greyish white rock that were exposed in places. The road wound gently upwards, with subdued sunlight streaming in between the rounded peaks on either side, the occasional tree peeking from behind the slopes. There was no one for miles around, except the occasional daredevil high up on the sides of the mountain, or cars that groaned as they climbed up the mountain.

Despite his outward grumbling, Yuuri was glad that they were on this mad, unplanned, impromptu trip to the Peak District. Everything had been so last minute, as he ran around gathering the camping essentials, made his bookings and bought all his tickets. Before he knew it, he was on the train with a backpack nearly as tall as he was, heading northwards towards the Dark Peak. And Victor looked like he was having the time of his life.

The mad idea had come about when Yuuri was browsing through Victor’s photos on his phone. As with Chris, they’d had no luck with any of Victor’s social media messages or emails, most of which seemed to be work-related, with the occasional drinks with close friends thrown in.

The picture that Yuuri had begun to draw of Victor’s past life was of a serious, meticulous doctor who was absolutely brilliant at his work, his insights and skills quickly rivalling the top ranks in the hospital. And one who had devoted everything he had to his profession, but with little else in his life. Perhaps it wasn’t surprising that he was completely burnt out by the end. In some ways, his dedication reminded Yuuri of himself, and made him wonder whether he would turn out the same way a few years down the road.

But other than causing a slight worry about his future, nothing seemed to ring a bell, so they’d moved on to the few thousand photos stored on Victor’s phone. It seemed that Victor probably just moved his photos from phone to phone, because they found pictures of Victor in university, when he still had waist-length hair, and his heart-shaped smiles appeared more frequently, taken at parties with Chris, their drinks held loosely in their hands, or dressed in a slightly scruffy suit as they had dinner in a fancy hall.

They had come across a folder labelled Peak Time, and it was filled with scene after beautiful scene of him and Chris camping in the Peak District. Victor had immediately begun an assault of pleas, begging Yuuri to take him on a trip, when Yuuri had planned to stay home for his week off, and do some more detective work in the comforts of his flat.

The fact that they were here, his shirt sticking to him from the sweat, his legs burning from the steep climb, was proof that Yuuri was especially weak-willed when it came to Victor’s demands.

As they came to the end of the mountain pass, the ground started becoming flatter, and low rock walls began appearing on both sides, enclosing small herds of sheep that gazed lazily at him until he passed out of sight.

Yuuri dropped his backpack beside one of the walls, careful to avoid the clumps of stinging nettles nearby, and fished out a bottle of water that he guzzled down quickly. They were nearly at the farm, but he needed a short break before he could carry on.

“Are you tired, Yuuri?” asked Victor, as he leaned over to peer at Yuuri.

“I’m fine. I’m just a little out of shape these days,” replied Yuuri with a smile, and stuffed his bottle into his backpack. It wasn’t a lie. He didn’t have time to maintain an exercise routine with his crazy schedule. “It would’ve been nice if you’d warned about the steep hike though,” chided Yuuri, “Don’t you remember climbing up the pass?”

“Actually,” replied Victor in a guilty voice, “I think we may have driven up to the campsite…”

Yuuri sighed heavily at the revelation, and hoisted the heavy load onto his back once again. That would explain why Victor and Chris looked so relaxed and carefree in the photos, not haggard and swimming in sweat.

The sun was low on the horizon when Yuuri reached the campsite, and after popping into the farmhouse notify the owners of his arrival, he hurried out to the large patch of lawn that was mostly empty, and picked out a corner to set up his tent, wanting to get it done before it went completely dark.

It was a tiny two-man tent that he’d gotten from Chris, along with most of the other supplies, like the butane gas stove and a mini lantern. After deciphering the impossible instructions, and trying to ignore Victor’s unhelpful suggestions, the tent was up, though somewhat lopsidedly. He proceeded to heat up a tin of soup in a miniscule pan on the small stove, and wolfed it down with some bread like it was the best meal he’d ever had, before washing everything in partial darkness at the outdoor sinks, and taking a lightning-quick shower in barely-heated water.

When the necessities were completed, Yuuri crawled into the small space of the tent, feeling the coldness of the ground seep through the thin tarpaulin, and collapsed onto his back, gazing at the mini lantern that hung from a hook overhead, feeling oddly contented at completing his task.

He stirred after a while, and realized that Victor wasn’t around, which made him crawl out of his comfy space again.

He found Victor sitting outside, his eyes directed towards the sky. Yuuri followed his gaze upwards, and what he saw took his breath away. The sky was filled with a sea of stars, a rare clear sky in the stormy peaks. There were so many that he had trouble picking out Orion’s Belt from the black canvas overhead, dotted with a myriad of glittering crystals.

He crawled onto the short stretch of tarpaulin that acted as a mini porch for the tent, and laid down on his back beside Victor. He realised he’d never seen so many stars in his life. Or been in such silence.

It was so quiet.

The other campers were mere specks of light in the distance, some huddled around a small fire, others tucked away in their tents.

He could hear a gentle breeze rustling through the grass around him, before rising higher to shake the canopy of leaves on the edges of the campsite, disrupting the faint buzzing of insects hidden in the darkness. There was a misty chill in the air that clung to his skin, like a constant reminder that he was now in the great outdoors, at the mercy of nature.

So much of his time was spent in the big city, surrounded by the constant hustle and bustle of traffic and people. It felt like his soul was taking a long deep drink from the silence.

He glanced at Victor after a while, and said softly, “Thank you for making me come here, Victor.”

Victor looked down at Yuuri, and a strange smile formed on his lips, infused with a deep longing and an inscrutable bliss.

Then, he returned his gaze to the stars, and Yuuri did likewise, losing himself in the timelessness of a universe that was far larger than his world.

 

✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧

 

By the third night of their camping trip, Yuuri began feeling that he was ready to rejoin the world.

It was an incredible feeling, being cut off from everything. Very literally in some sense, because the only reliable data signal he could find in the area was back down in Castleton, which was still an hour by foot.

That is, if he took the main road and not the ‘shortcut’ suggested by the owner of the campsite, a mistake he would rather not repeat, given that it had nearly gotten him lost in the mountains.

He’d had his fill of long, meandering walks through the mountains, trudging on stone paths amidst a sea of olive green that dipped into wide glimmering valleys. Sunlight was always filtered through ominous dark clouds overhead, casting a surreal glow on the peaks, like he was strolling through a dream.

He had long quiet chats with Victor under the stars, away from prying eyes or the urgency of life. Both of them reaching further into their hearts and unearthing the deepest cores of themselves that no one else had ever seen.

He’d relished in the simplicity and slowness in the pace of living, waking naturally with the light of dawn, and trudging through the dewy field to buy fresh eggs and a cup of coffee from the farmhouse, with no thought of what came next, because it didn’t matter.

Yuuri felt recharged and refreshed, his mind rested and fully alert, as though he’d been operating under a fog this past year.

It was cold and raining outside, so he was bundled up in his sleeping bag, which was stuffed with all the clothes he’d brought to keep him warm, while silently cursing himself for not bringing the sleeping mat that Chris had offered, which would have given him an extra layer of warmth from the freezing floor.

He’d returned once again to Victor’s old phone, his own now packed away to conserve the remaining battery for the trip home.

Viktor was hovering beside him, as he flicked through the recent messages and emails again, familiar with nearly all of them by this point. He really wasn’t sure what he would find, but it was something Chris said that had remained stuck in Yuuri’s mind. Victor had a specific question he wanted to ask this person he wanted to meet, so perhaps he was hoping that through his random browsing, they would come across the topic of the question, which may trigger more memories.

But nothing had really worked so far, and Yuuri just trying to kill some time before bed. Eventually, he reached a point where the messages and emails were too old to be stored in the phone, and couldn’t be accessed without data. With a small sigh, he closed all the apps, and was about to turn off the screen, when Victor suddenly said with a frown.

“Yuuri. Have you checked the text messages?”

Yuuri glanced curiously at him and clicked the sms icon.

It hadn’t even occurred to him to check the text messages, given that his own sms inbox mostly received alerts and passcodes these days. Or texts from his parents when they couldn’t call.

He scrolled slowly down the screen. As expected, it was filled with notifications and verification codes for other apps, occasionally littered by texts from the concerned parents of Victor's patients.

Then, suddenly one of the texts caught his eye. It was tagged with the word ‘Draft’ in red, and there was only one word: “Hi” in the main text. Almost like the beginnings of an unasked question.

Yuuri stopped his scrolling and looked more closely at the number, then gasped out loud.

“Victor, that’s my phone number. Why do you have my phone number?”

Viktor stared in astonishment, his mouth wide open. His lips tried to form words but he failed, and he shook his head wordlessly.

“I’ve never met you before this…” Yuuri said in disbelief, “I couldn't have given it to you... But- but I must have…”

Victor remained silent and agog, his face blank with utter confusion.

“Victor?”

“I don’t know what this means,” he finally answered  in a stupefied voice.

Yuuri’s mind began racing through his memories, trying to piece together all the past events in the last year that could have involved a meeting with Victor. A chance encounter. A formal event. A random introduction.

Was it so fleeting that Yuuri didn't remember it?

That wasn't possible. That was completely impossible. There was no way he could've met Victor, given Victor his number, then completely forgotten about the whole incident. He would most definitely have remembered.

Wouldn’t he?

 

✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧

 

Yuuri rose before dawn and was out of the mountains on the earliest bus they could find.

On the train journey back, he sent a quick message to Chris, asking for his permission to drop by his apartment. To which Chris had replied yes instantly, along with an apology for not being able to be there.

Victor had remained silent the entire time, a troubled look overshadowing his face. They both needed answers. They needed to know what this meant. When have they met? Where have they met? Why were there no clues at all?

Given their limited social life, Yuuri reasoned that it must have been a medical conference or something similar. Or maybe Victor had come over to King’s to give a presentation? Or to consult on a case? But why would Victor, a full consultant, even bother looking at a second-year junior doctor, much less give them his number, and then feel so unsure about sending a text message, of all things, that he’d saved it as draft on his phone?

It was completely baffling. And neither of them knew why. The only avenue they had left was to hope that there was a clue hidden among Victor’s possessions.

Yuuri fidgeted impatiently in his seat, as the countryside slowly turned into the city. He was at the doors before the train stopped, and was hurrying towards the Tube as soon as the doors opened. Before he knew it, his feet were taking him towards Chris’ apartment, with Victor following closely behind.

Makkachin ran to greet them when they pushed opened to the door to the apartment. After pausing only briefly to lavish some attention on the poodle, they hastened to Victor’s bedroom.

Yuuri began rummaging through everything he could get his hands on. Files, folders, books, calendars. He didn’t know specifically what he was looking for. Just...something familiar, maybe. Something that would jolt his memory. It was an odd thing to look for, and for the first time he truly understood how Victor felt these past few months, wading through the mists of incomplete memories, desperate to cling onto something that felt...right.

His systematic search was turning up nothing so far, as he carefully shifted piles of paper from the desk to the floor. Scientific journals, medical textbooks, printed articles, handwritten notes.

He randomly pulled out a white folder from the next stack of papers. Then, his heart stopped, and his fingers went cold when he saw the familiar logo on its front.

It was from a medical conference he’d managed to sneak in with Phichit a few months ago. It was clearly also a conference that Victor had attended. And the date wasn’t too far from the day of Victor’s death.

Yuuri glared at the folder, trying to remember what had happened on that day. It was barely memorable, since it had turned out to be an extremely boring and useless conference, more like a sales pitch than an academic lecture. He’d spent most of his time gossipping and giggling with Phichit during the presentation, catching up on their recent cases and bellyaching about troublesome patients.

They’d hidden behind one of the display boards for posters during the coffee break, since they were technically not supposed to be there, and had carried on laughing about the presentation, until Yuuri suddenly remembered he had some paperwork to finish and left, while Phichit had remained behind, saying that he’d happily stay another hour for free lunch.

That was it. That was _all_ of it. There hadn’t been the time or the chance to come across anyone like Victor.

Yuuri flipped open the folder, wondering if perhaps it held some unspoken secret, while Victor looked on quietly.

And he found it.

There it was, scrawled on the inside, in Phichit’s neat cursive, Yuuri’s phone number.

“Phichit gave you my number,” whispered Yuuri in amazement.

“Phichit?” exclaimed Victor, nearly tripping over in his haste to see the folder.

They both stared at the new revelation in bewildered surprise.

“Did you talk to Phichit?” asked Yuuri slowly, still trying to process the new information.

“I must have,” replied Victor in a stunned voice, “But I don’t remember him. I mean, I didn’t recognize him when I first appeared. Why…”

His voice trailed off in perplexed silence. But an explanation began forming in Yuuri’s mind. He suspected it was because the chance meeting had taken place too close to Victor’s accident, and it seems like everything nearer the moment had either been obliterated or deeply suppressed. So much so that Victor still couldn’t recall any details even after Chris’ account.

This meant that there was only one unexpected source they had to consult, who may be able to fill in the last piece of the puzzle. And thank god his plane would arrive from Thailand in a few hours.

 

✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧

 

Yuuri was pacing back and forth in his flat, wearing down the thin emerald carpet even thinner, as he waited impatiently for Phichit.

For once, Victor hadn’t told him off for fretting, and was hovering in agitation beside Yuuri, his arms crossed in front of him and his silver blond hair falling messily into his face from the constant ruffling.

Phichit was due home any time. Yuuri had considered calling him the minute his plane landed in Heathrow, but it was always far easier to freak out when Phichit was present in person.

So, they waited. And waited. With occasional updates from Phichit about his current status. Landed. Got off the plane. Long line at immigration, surprise, surprise. Collecting luggage. On tube.

Finally, they heard the click of the front door, and Yuuri dashed over to welcome him home.

“What is happening?” asked Phichit in bewilderment, clutching uselessly at his large suitcase that Yuuri had already dragged into the flat.

Yuuri gaped at him, nearly choking at the flood of questions that was fighting their way to escape.

“Victor,” he finally gasped, “You spoke to Victor!”

“I did?!” exclaimed Phichit, “When? Where?”

“At that stupid conference for that useless drug!” replied Yuuri urgently.

“But I spoke to lots of people after you’d left!” retorted Phichit, “How am I supposed to know which one was Victor? I don’t even know what he looks like!”

Then, Yuuri realized he’d made the grave mistake of not sending Phichit a link to Victor’s Facebook profile days ago. He hurriedly called up Victor’s profile on his phone and shoved it under Phichit’s nose.

Phichit’s eyes widened at the sight of the silver blond hair and the small self-assured smile on the screen. He grabbed the phone and began scrolling through it quickly, as he muttered, “Oh my god… Oh my god…It was you...”

Then, he suddenly lifted his head and his eyes darted wildly around the flat. “Victor! Don’t you remember speaking to me?” asked Phichit with rising hysteria in his voice, “You asked for Yuuri’s number. You said you were in the row behind us, eavesdropping on our conversation throughout the presentation. Remember? Remember?!”

“How am I supposed to? I don’t remember _anything_ ,” wailed Victor in the midst of the confusion, and Yuuri was caught between their hysterical exclamations, trying to calm both of them down.

Eventually, Yuuri snapped, and bellowed, “Settle down, you two!” Two pairs of eyes glanced at him meekly. He took a deep breath and continued, “Phichit, what happened after I left the conference?”

“Nothing more than what I’d said,” replied Phichit, sounding a little more calm, “He came up to me, said he’d been listening to our conversation, then asked for your number because you’d left before he could approach us. But he didn’t give me his name.” Then, Phichit looked around the room again, and remarked, “I’m surprised you didn’t recognise me, Victor.”

Victor shrugged helplessly, and Yuuri said “We think it’s because it was too close to the accident. But Phichit,”urged Yuuri intently, “Why didn’t _you_ mention him afterwards? Or make the connection that this random stranger could have been Victor? Wasn’t it odd that no one tried to contact me after you gave him my number?”

“How was I supposed to know they were the same person. You couldn’t even describe Victor properly to me,” groaned Phichit in exasperation, “Do you know how frequently people come up to me for your number? Literally, _all the time_. And Victor was not the only one at the conference.” He paused slightly at the look of dismay on Yuuri’s face, before continuing unperturbed, “You block unknown numbers anyway, so I thought it was an easy way let them down gently. Can you blame me for overlooking one of them?”

Yuuri gawked at the words, suddenly horrified that the world was populated with god knows how many hopeful strangers with his phone number. Then, the shock of reality began wearing away, and all that had been said began to sink in, as a dawning realization began to emerge in Yuuri’s mind.

Victor had tried to seek him out at the conference. Victor had a tentative draft message in his phone. Victor had been thinking about something before making an abrupt decision, and leaving his flat. Victor had travelled southward, away from his home, and it wasn’t inconceivable that his destination could have been King’s College Hospital.

Yuuri cast a stricken look at Victor, and saw the same expression mirrored in Victor’s face.

Victor parted his lips slowly, and gasped in a breathless whisper. “It was you. I was coming to see you.”

  
✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧

 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come chat on tumblr! [Weberina](http://weberina.tumblr.com/) & [Nothingtea](http://nothingtea.tumblr.com/)  
> Link to art [here](http://nothingtea.tumblr.com/post/170719107168/there-was-a-silence-that-seemed-to-ring-in-his) and [here](http://nothingtea.tumblr.com/post/170719109968/he-had-long-quiet-chats-with-victor-under-the).


	5. Why Are You Leaving?

 

✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧

 

Yuuri sank into the couch in utter disbelief, his mind helplessly blank.

How could they have missed it?

It was the simplest and most obvious answer to their questions.

Who was Victor on his way to meet? How did he end up at King’s? Why did he show himself to Yuuri?

The answer was so, so simple, but completely unbelievable.

The person he wanted to meet was Yuuri.

Not because he'd been admitted to Yuuri's hospital, or because Yuuri was the first person he came across, or that fate arranged for them to meet because Yuuri had the means to help him.

It was nothing more or less than the fact that he wanted to meet Yuuri, and had made the unfinished journey, even in his state of utter confusion. He was here because Yuuri was his unfinished business, the strong bond that still tied him to this world, the question left unasked and unanswered. And Victor had reached out for Yuuri past the boundaries of life and death for his response.

But it was also completely absurd. Why would Victor want to meet him? What could he possibly want from Yuuri?

The words that Victor had used to describe the unknown person came rushing back, and they clashed violently with the reality that all of those words had been meant for Yuuri. That he was a ray of sunshine. A laughter that sparkled like crystal. Eyes that brimmed with kindness and simmered with a headstrong will.

Yuuri couldn't believe those words were about him. It was impossible. They had been strangers before this. Those were not the words used to describe a stranger, much less one like Yuuri.

“It can’t be me,” Yuuri finally breathed in disbelief, and lifted his head slowly.

He found Victor staring at the ground in equal astonishment, his eyes wide and unblinking, his lips parted in surprise as he muttered almost soundlessly,

“It was you. I’ve finally found you. And it was you all along.”

“What do you remember, Victor?” asked Yuuri in a whisper.

Victor turned his bewildered face towards Yuuri, and his mind seemed to be wading through a heavy mist of confusion as his brows knitted tightly together and he said in a hushed voice,

“Everything.”

Yuuri stood up immediately and closed the distance between them.

“Everything?” he asked in shock, his fingers tingling with numbness.

Victor nodded wordlessly, his face ashen from the overwhelming flood of memories. And Yuuri knew from the look of absolute certainty that everything meant everything. Including the accident, and the question he wanted to ask that would let him move on.

“Yuuri? Is everything OK?”

Yuuri jumped slightly at the sound of Phichit’s voice, completely forgetting that his poor jet-lagged friend had been looking on in confusion at their one-sided conversation.

“Sorry, Phichit,” he mumbled with a blush, “I forgot you were… It’s just, I think… I think Victor and I need to talk.”

A flicker of understanding appeared in Phichit’s eyes, and he replied immediately, “Of course, take as long as you need. I’ll go have a shower and conk out.”

He gave Yuuri another worried look, before padding quickly towards his room, dragging his suitcase along with a loud clatter. But before he disappeared down the corridor, he turned back suddenly.

“Hey, Victor?” he called out to the room at large, “Don’t go without saying goodbye.”

Victor gave a small affectionate smile. “Of course not, Phichit.”

When the door to Phichit’s room slammed shut, Yuuri glanced silently at Victor. They both knew what they had to do next. If Victor remembered everything, then regardless of how they felt, they were near the end of their journey, with only one thing left to do.

A sudden chill in the air caused Yuuri to shiver slightly, breaking him from the wordless trance. He reached behind him to tug the colorful woollen throw from the back of the couch, and wrapped it tightly around his shoulders, as he sank back into the lumpy cushion with his legs tucked underneath him.

Victor followed his lead and settled over the coffee table before Yuuri, his hands clutching the edge of the wooden surface, his gaze still fixed intently on Yuuri.

After a long silence, Yuuri took a deep breath, and decided it was time. He would hear Victor’s story from the beginning, and then it would be time to end this.

“Was Phichit right?” he asked, trying to smile as he did, “Were you eavesdropping on me?”

Victor gazed at him in disbelief, almost in indignation, as though he couldn’t believe Yuuri was still pushing ahead, even when they both knew what would happen when Victor revealed everything.

But Yuuri gave him a steady, unwavering look. Even though his entire being wanted things to stay the same, they couldn't remain in this limbo forever.

And Victor knew this. Because a breath of resignation escaped his lips, and he replied in a heavy voice, “Yes, everything he said was right.”

“Where did you first see me?” asked Yuuri gently, wanting to ease their path through Victor’s memories with less significant details.

To his surprise, a rare blush appeared on Victor’s cheeks, and he looked away almost shyly,

“I saw you the minute you walked through the doors,” recounted Victor softly, a dreamy look appearing in his eyes, “You looked exhausted, and your hair was all over the place. And you had about six pens stuck in your shirt pocket.”

Yuuri couldn’t help the laugh that escaped. “Certainly sounds like me.”

“I felt a strange urge to talk to you,” continued Victor with a small smile, “But you were using Phichit as a human shield, and I couldn’t find an opening without physically lodging myself between the two of you, so I hung around at a safe distance.”

Yuuri bit his lower lip in slight guilt. Phichit had been nagging him about that particular bad habit of his for as long as he could remember.

“Anyway, when the lecture started, I followed you into the hall and sat directly behind you. But I don’t think you realized anyone else was sitting near you, since you were whispering quite loudly.”

“Oh dear,” interjected Yuuri suddenly with a cringe. Victor had guessed rightly. He hadn’t thought anyone would be sitting so near the door and he’d been so exhausted that he hadn’t bothered to look around, or check his tongue.

“So, you heard everything we said?” asked Yuuri grimacing slightly.

Victor’s smile widened, and a twinkle returned to his eyes. “Yes, _everything_. All very useful stuff.”

Yuuri buried his face in his hands, as he groaned, “Oh my god...how was it useful?”

“Well,” said Victor with a knowing grin, “Based on the unflattering words you used, I gathered that the date you had the night before had been more than disastrous. And also, you found people who were too direct, oh, I forget, what was that _colourful_ phrase you used about that poor soul...”

Yuuri’s cringe deepened. He wasn’t usually this horrid about people, and his insults weren’t usually that...creative. But he’d been half-crazy with fatigue, and thought that only Phichit was listening.

“And you still wanted to talk to me after hearing all that?” asked Yuuri timidly, trying to sink into couch.

“Of course,” beamed Victor, “I thought it was cute. And very justified. All that bragging, and snorting and sniffling.” He gave an involuntary shudder, which made Yuuri chuckle.

“And when you accidentally laughed out loud in the middle of the talk, I felt like I couldn’t get enough of it,” said Victor with a smitten look, “And you were blushing so hard when the speaker heard it, I felt like I couldn’t get enough of that too.”

Yuuri felt his cheeks burning furiously, both at the embarrassing memory and Victor’s doting tone.

“Then, I heard you talking about your patients,” continued Victor with a fond look, “You sounded so… alive, so devoted to your work, offering so much of yourself to complete strangers without the slightest hesitation. And I remember feeling glad that my first impression of you was correct.”

“Your first impression?” asked Yuuri curiously.

“That you might be the most beautiful person I’ve ever met,” replied Victor simply without the slightest hint of irony in his voice, and Yuuri stared blankly at him, gobsmacked by the simple words.

“I just knew then that I had to get to know you.”

“Why didn't you approach me during the coffee break?”

“I wanted to, right away” replied Victor in earnest, then a slight dusting of pink spread across his cheeks  for the second time that night. “But I stayed behind a while to think of a pick-up line.”

Yuuri raised an incredulous eyebrow at him, “Really, Victor?”

“In my defense,” retorted Victor in mock indignation, “Phichit said that you were nervous about strangers, so I was coming up with something that didn’t scare you away.”

Yuuri couldn’t help chuckling at his words, as he said with a grin, “What did you come up with in the end?”

“A good one,” replied Victor triumphantly, “I was going to suggest a few papers to help you with the pediatric exams you were worrying over. That way, I could be a knight in shining armour, with completely honourable intentions for overhearing your conversation. And then, I was going to ask if you needed help with the techniques as well. So, a date but not a date.”

Yuuri’s small chuckles gave way to loud hearty laughter that brought tears to his eyes.

“Would it have worked?” asked Victor with a smug grin.

Yuuri wiped a stray tear from his eyes, as he replied, “You probably would’ve stood a better chance than most.”

Victor beamed brightly at his response, and reached over to clasp Yuuri’s hand in his ghostly form.

Yuuri didn’t know whether it was his imagination, or that Victor really had acquired some substance over the months, but he felt an almost imperceptible, feather-like pressure, as though his hand was being kissed by a tender breeze.

He wrapped his fingers gently around the slender translucent hand, wondering if Victor could feel anything in return.

“What did you after you left the conference?” asked Yuuri with a fond smile.

“I went home and tried to call you, but I never got through,” said Victor with a sad smile.

Yuuri bit his lower lip again in guilt. He never answered any call from an unknown number if he could help it. The official reason he gave was that if it was sufficiently important the caller would leave a voice message, but the real reason was because calls made him anxious.

“Then, I thought about sending you a message,” continued Victor when Yuuri remained silent, “But it didn’t feel right. I didn’t think you’d reply. You have no idea how many times I’ve re-typed that message.”

Yuuri wanted to say that he might’ve replied, but the words lingered on his half-parted lips, and he knew that he would have been too intimidated to respond.

“Then, I remembered that you said you were working three night-shifts in a row and I knew enough about where you worked, so I thought if I could just talk to you in person…” Victor gave him a hapless smile, “I even worked out what I wanted to ask you before I left the apartment, and… you know rest.”

Yuuri felt a heavy sinking in his heart. How had he been so oblivious to Victor’s presence? He was so used to thinking that he was insignificant and half-hidden in the shadows, it never crossed his mind that someone like Victor had been trying to get his attention. And he couldn’t help thinking, what if he had? Would things be different?

“I'm so sorry for not answering your call, Victor,” he said remorsefully, his gaze falling downwards to their clasped hands, “If only, I- If only, I hadn't-”

“No, no… Yuuri, don't think that,” Victor interjected immediately, “Don’t go there. It was entirely my fault. I was so distracted. I’ve crossed that road a thousand times, and I knew how reckless those cyclists can be. I didn't even see…”

Yuuri’s hand tightened involuntarily around Victor’s, but instead of passing through Victor, he was met with an unexpected resistance, and felt a slight chill against his skin.

Victor’s gaze was downcast, the silky strands of his hair partially obscuring his eyes, and he seemed enraptured by the final few moments of his life.

“The last thing I remember was lying on the pavement, and I could see that my arm was stretched out beside me, but I couldn’t feel it. I couldn’t feel anything, not even pain. And I saw my phone just a few inches away. I remember thinking, what a shame…I’ll never know what your answer would have been...”

His voice trailed off, as he continued to stare into nothingness before him. The heavy sadness written across his face made Yuuri’s heart ache painfully, and his instincts made him reach over to gently caress the side of Victor’s face. To his relief, Victor leaned gratefully into Yuuri’s touch, as if he could feel something too, even if it was as elusive as a fairy’s wing.

“But you came to see me anyway,” said Yuuri in a tender voice.

Victor lifted his gaze to meet Yuuri’s, a sparkle returning to his opalescent eyes.

“Yes, I did,” he said in a breathless voice.

“Then, it wasn’t all a shame,” said Yuuri gently.

Victor shook his head slightly, and his lips parted again as if to speak, but the words died at the tip of his tongue, and Yuuri watched patiently as he failed in the struggle to finish the last steps of their journey, and his eyes pleaded for more time together, a few more minutes, a few more hours, any amount of time they could salvage from the brink.

Yuuri felt his own attempts falter as the words he had intended to say remained a choking lump in his throat that refused to emerge.

And instead of urging Victor to reveal the last piece of the puzzle in their quest, Yuuri heard himself say,

“The night is still young, Victor. What would you like to do?”

 

✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧

 

London wasn’t quite a city that never sleeps, and its inhabitants were fairly unimaginative when it came to nocturnal activities. To Yuuri’s knowledge, the notion of nightlife only consisted of the usual clubs and bars, and the hopeful late-night food stands that were placed strategically to prey on peckish party-goers. And he was hardly willing to pay through his nose, only to scream over loud music and get shoved around.

But once Yuuri had summoned Phichit, the list of possible activities became endless and the level of excitement went through the roof. They ended up booking last-minute spots on a walking tour of haunted pubs in London, which had amused Victor to no end, since he was keen to see if the pubs were actually haunted.

What all three of them hadn’t realized, as they thundered through the underground station to reach the meeting point on time, was that the tour was actually more of a pub crawl. So, instead of standing politely in a circle, nodding awkwardly at the tour guide, they piled into the four pubs on their route, sat around a reserved table, and drank at least a pint of something in each, which incidentally made the stories funnier as the night progressed.

By the end, Victor was smugly satisfied that he was the only ghost haunting any of the four pubs, while Yuuri and Phichit were clinging on to each other for support as they swayed through the streets, vaguely realizing that it might have been a grave mistake to drink so much on a pub tour immediately before their booking for an escape room experience. Or any other experience that would require a functioning mind to solve a series of complex puzzles.

Nevertheless, with much gleeful laughter from Victor, they barely made it to the Escape Room in one piece, and Yuuri tried not to let his speech slur too much, as he approached the counter and attempted to spell out his name. Thankfully, since they’d already paid for the experience, the staff member hadn’t questioned their fitness for the game and only remarked in a stern voice, “Try not to break anything.”

In truth, neither Yuuri nor Phichit could remember much of what happened in the hour they were locked in the “Pharaoh’s Chamber”, except that they kept stumbling over stuff on the floor and kept nodding off when they were supposed to be solving a puzzle.

Although, according to Victor, that is, after he’d stopped laughing, they’d managed to solve three of the twelve puzzles in the height of their inebriation and kept pressing the intercom button to chat with the increasingly-annoyed staff member. They even managed to smile in the general direction of the camera at the end of the hour, holding up signs that said “Loser!” and “I perished in the Pharaoh’s Chamber”. Victor had been especially delighted that he had showed up in the polaroid picture as an unexplained, fuzzy blob of ectoplasmic light standing next to Yuuri.

Sometime during their nightly adventures, they found themselves in a karaoke booth somewhere in London. Just sober enough to get in. But also drunk enough for Yuuri to enjoy screaming his favorite songs at the top of his lungs for two hours straight without caring if he was out of tune, or how odd it may have seemed to be singing duets with Victor and have one half of the song unheard by anyone else but him.

Their final stop had been an Italian cafe that served phenomenal coffee, its patrons preferring to huddle in small groups and converse casually over soft, crooning music. The mellow atmosphere slowly settled their raucous laughters into relaxed chatting, and the remnant disinhibiting effects of alcohol gradually died away.

By the time Yuuri was fully sober, they had made their way back to the flat.

He was the first to reach the door, and as he stepped into the darkness, he became aware that in the hushed silence of the empty flat, he could hear the steady ticking of the large wall clock coming from the living room.

And suddenly, the emotions he had hidden at the back of his mind came rushing back with a vengeance. He could almost feel his stolen time with Victor slipping through his fingers, and two words echoed repeatedly in his mind.

Not yet.

Not yet.

Phichit came in soon after and switched on the lights, which broke Yuuri out of his trance. Victor followed closely behind, his face still radiant from the excellent night out they’d just had, and he beamed brightly at Yuuri, which only made it harder for Yuuri to let go.

“I’m going to bed for real this time. Don’t wake me up,” called out Phichit, yawning loudly as he sauntered back to his room. But once again, he turned back just before the corridor, and said earnestly, “If I don’t see you tomorrow, Victor, it’s been a real pleasure.”

“Likewise,” replied Victor with a warm smile, and when Yuuri had repeated Victor’s response, Phichit disappeared into his room with a sad but contented smile on his face.

Perhaps it was the finality of both their voices, but the simple exchange finally drove home to Yuuri that this was it. The final stretch. The last few precious hours they had. He wasn’t sure what they were waiting for or when it would happen. All he knew was that the time to say goodbye was near, and because he wasn’t going to allow sleep to get in the way of their time together, he padded to the kitchen and brewed a large pot of tea.

Over mug after steaming mug of caffeine, they talked.

They talked with the ferocity and desperation of two people who knew their time was limited, and wanted to know as much as they could about each other. They begrudged every minute that ticked past, and talked about everything. Their hopes, and dreams, and aspirations. Their deepest fears, their most vulnerable moments.

Many times, Yuuri had come close to exclaiming aloud that this was all so unjust, so entirely unfair, he wanted to rage at the universe for allowing this to happen. But, in his world, where a three-year-old could slip soundlessly from her fleeting life while he held her hand, Yuuri also knew that he couldn’t afford to waste his time railing against the inevitable. Everything came to an end, and there were much more important things to focus on in the meantime.

In the darkest hour before dawn, at three in the morning, Yuuri’s felt his defenses slip as he blurted out, “I wish you could stay.”

The words ignited a spark in Victor’s eyes, and he leaned closer. “I don’t have to leave. Why can't I stay?”

Yuuri gazed silently at the hopeful sheen of turquoise that pinned him in place with its intensity. He knew there had been reasons, important reasons, for this to end. But his own overwhelming desires had drowned them out, and in his longing, he too didn't see why Victor had to leave.

But before he could voice his agreement, he caught himself in a choked gasp, and closed his eyes to compose himself before saying softly,

“No, Victor. You have to leave.”

The spark of hope vanished in a blink, and Victor hung his head in heavy silence. After a long pause, he nodded his head gravely. “You’re right. I have already taken up five months of your life. How can you get on with your life with me around to distract you?”

Yuuri sat up in surprise at Victor’s words, and he instinctively reached towards Victor’s hand, as he said urgently, “That’s not the reason, Victor. Please don’t think it is.”

Victor lifted his head and fixed Yuuri with a wistful gaze, “Then, why are you asking me to leave?”

Yuuri hesitated in his reply, before breaking away from Victor’s eyes as he said, “If I can be selfish about this, I wouldn’t. You’ve-”

But he swallowed his words and found that he couldn’t make himself list all the reasons why Victor shouldn’t leave. That his life had never been more colorful or more exciting. That Victor made him feel safe and confident. That Victor was so kind and gentle, and it broke Yuuri’s heart to think of how abruptly his life had been cut short.

It would make it so much harder for the both of them if he listed these reasons. Instead, he turned his gaze towards the parted curtains, his vision partially blurred by tears, and fixed his eyes on the deep darkness beyond. The solitary, dim yellow light in the living room glowed in the reflection on the window pane, and Yuuri could see the vague outlines of his own face. But not Victor’s.

“I cannot ask you to live a half-life here with me in limbo,” said Yuuri eventually, “Here, you can’t be seen or heard by anyone but me. You can’t eat, or drink, or do anything that you like. You can only be a bystander. And I know we both want to believe this might be enough, but I know it isn’t.”

As he expected, Victor opened his mouth to protest, but Yuuri pressed on.

“It would be unfair for me to ask this of you, when I am certain that something much better is waiting for you when you move on. I don’t know what it is, but I am sure it will be much better than staying here. And you have the same feeling, don’t you, Victor?”

Victor’s lips remained half-parted, and Yuuri could see him struggling between the truth and the fantasy they wanted to believe. But in the end, truth won and Victor admitted, “Yes, I feel it pulling me towards it everyday, like I’m meant to be there, and not here.”

“So, don’t fight it anymore, Victor,” urged Yuuri gently. Then, a small smile appeared on his lips as he added, “Besides, you don’t have to think of it as leaving.”

Victor gave him a questioning glance.

“Think of it as...going ahead early,” continued Yuuri, his smile widening slightly, “Unless I end up in the _other place_ , we’ll see each other again someday.”

His words drew out amused laughter from Victor, who shook his head as he replied, “Trust me, Yuuri. If you don’t make it into heaven, I won’t either.”

“Then, we won’t have to worry,” Yuuri pressed on, eager to see Victor’s carefree smile return, “Wherever we end up, this won’t be goodbye forever.”

Victor gave a small nod, and the hardened lines of reluctance seemed to melt away, as the heavy sorrow of parting gradually shifted to a wistful sadness.

Perhaps this was the moment that they had been waiting for, and Yuuri ventured tentatively,

“Are you ready, Victor?”

Victor turned towards him and their eyes were locked in a long silence before Victor shook his head with an odd smile.

“But, Victor…” Yuuri began.

“I know what I have to do,” interrupted Victor gently, “Just… not here. Not yet.”

Yuuri conceded with a nod, and asked in a gentle voice, “Where should we go?”

The radiant smile returned to his fair features, a smile that made Yuuri’s heart ache with joy, and Victor replied in a serene voice,

“Take me somewhere beautiful.”

 

✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧

 

If Yuuri ever wondered what what the Tube was like in the wee hours before dawn, he now knew the answer. Devoid of its pulsing throngs and rushing crowd, the platform was completely bare except for him, Victor and three other strangers, who were keeping a wary distance from each other.

It wasn’t long before the rattle of the train echoed hauntingly through the tunnels and screeched to a halt before them. Yuuri didn’t think he would ever board the first Tube of the morning. Yet, here he was. The 05:23 northward bound Victoria line.

He couldn’t quite believe they had talked through the night, and the hours seemed to rush past them in a blur, making it seem like the universe had rigged its clocks to go too fast. But their stolen time together was worth the pain of separation, and he didn’t regret his decision to help Victor, nor was he sorry that Victor had come to him.

But somehow, the words had run out when they walked out of the flat and into the grey mists before dawn. The streetlamps were still casting eerie pools of light along the road, and a handful of shops were already stirring with activity.

Their silence continued on the tube ride, as they swooped and swerved through the dark tunnels, slowly crawling northwards until they reached Camden Town station. The usual buzz of the quirkiest, most eclectic part of London was oddly subdued in the greyness before dawn, and the only people on the streets were huddled against the wind, hunching protectively over their stubs of cigarettes. There were still pinpricks of stars, and the moon glowed faintly against the clear, violet sky.

They wound their way past the long lines of sleeping buildings, eventually leaving behind the drabness of the streets, and Yuuri gave Victor a small smile as they stepped into a sea of green. There was a gentle slope leading straight to the top of Primrose Hill, a meandering path hugged the side of the hill to the summit, dotted along the way with shapely trees and wooden benches. They were alone in the chilly stillness, with only the occasional jogger or dog walker that hurried past.

Yuuri checked his watch and quickened his pace, they only had twenty minutes to make it to the top of the hill.

The trees became sparser and shorter as they climbed up the slope, and Yuuri wondered whether this was intentional, perhaps to give an unobstructed view from the summit. They came to a clearing at the end of the path, and Yuuri turned back to face the path they had taken.

Spread out before them in the distance was the sprawling, jagged skyline of the city, remnant lights still twinkling in the dense forest of towers. A thin strip of faint orange-pink light was just visible above the horizon, faintly illuminating the tufts of clouds overhead and the sea of mist that seemed to enshroud the entire city before them.

Yuuri took out his phone and tapped on his new compass app, before pointing the virtual needle around until he found east. They settled on the dewy grass, and began to wait in silence, eyes fixed on the distant horizon.

As rays of golden light began to emanate from a central point on the horizon, Victor began to stir from his silent trance.

“Yuuri,” said Victor softly, his eyes still fixed on the gathering sphere of light that was slowly peeking through the clouds, “I’m so glad I met you.”

Yuuri peeled his eyes from the glorious sunrise before them, and settled his gaze on Victor’s translucent form, willing his mind to remember every last detail he could, from the way the long slender fingers would clasp loosely together when he was sad, to the way his eyes would sparkle when he saw something breathtakingly beautiful, or the way he would hide behind the silvery strands of hair when he was sad.

“Me too,” replied Yuuri, unable to take his eyes off from Victor.

A gentle breeze rustled through the trees and up the slope towards them. Victor closed his eyes and took a deep breath, his silver blond hair fluttering in the wind, as though he could savour the chilly freshness against his skin, his entire form was bathed in rays of luminous, golden light, suddenly seeming more solid and real than his surroundings. 

When he opened his eyes, he looked at Yuuri with a contented smile and said in a dreamy voice, “In a weird and wonderful way, I have been given exactly what I wanted.”

Then, he leaned towards Yuuri, and before Yuuri realised what was happening, their lips met.

Not an ephemeral chilly presence, but warm, full lips that hungrily captured his own, and solid slender fingers that ran through his hair, pulling him closer. Yuuri breathed in the intoxicating scent that washed over him, and reached his hand to caress the soft skin that he had longed to touch. He clung desperately to Victor, his entire being urgently trying to drink in as much as he could from this one mysterious, special moment they’d been given. A moment he wished would never end.

They eventually broke apart and Yuuri sobbed audibly at their separation, but their hands lingered on each other’s faces, savouring the comforting presence of a warm touch.

“These past five months with you were the happiest I’ve ever been,” whispered Victor.

“Me too,” replied Yuuri again, but this time, tears were running freely down his face.

“I suppose there’s only one thing left to do,” said Victor with a sad smile.

Yuuri nodded, his eyes fixed on Victor’s translucent face.

“Katsuki Yuuri, would you have gone out with me if I’d asked?” said Victor, his eyes filled with the wistfulness of what might have been.

“Of course,” replied Yuuri, “Did you even have to ask?”

Victor’s radiant smile widened, and he began to fade. Yuuri’s grip tightened instinctively, as he tried to cling on to the last memories of Victor, his gaze transfixed by the deep contentment that glimmered in the mesmerising blue-green eyes.

“I’ll see you on the other side,” whispered Yuuri.  

“And I’ll be waiting,” replied Victor, his voice a barely audible echo in the wind, and the last image that Yuuri could treasure in his mind was a smile that glowed with peace and profound serenity.

When he felt the last of Victor’s presence disappear completely, Yuuri wiped the tears from his eyes and began looking around him.

The sun had risen fully now, cloaking his surroundings in a soft yellow gleam. He could hear the melodic chirping of birds, and the murmuring chatter of people coming from the paths below.

As he stood up to leave, brushing bits off grass off his jeans, he suddenly realized that he still had Victor’s phone in his pocket and he fished it out on a whim, just for something solid he could hold on to for comfort.

But as he toyed idly with the textured back of the phone, he realized that something felt different and turned it around to take a closer look.

He couldn’t help the smile that formed on his lips at what he saw.

Etched on the back were two words.

Life and Love.

He held the phone close to his heart, as he slowly descended back into the real world.

As long as he had life and love, Victor would never truly leave his side.

  


✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧

 

 

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed the story and art!  
> All comments welcomed and appreciated :D 
> 
> Come chat on tumblr! [Weberina](http://weberina.tumblr.com/) & [Nothingtea](http://nothingtea.tumblr.com/)  
> Link to art [here](http://nothingtea.tumblr.com/post/170719107168/there-was-a-silence-that-seemed-to-ring-in-his) and [here](http://nothingtea.tumblr.com/post/170719109968/he-had-long-quiet-chats-with-victor-under-the). Please leave a note on tumblr if you like the art!! It's so pretty (●♡∀♡)


End file.
